Called to Love: Men

 I can see the stats on what posts are being read on this blog. While I have left some stuff published and have chosen to not permanently delete this blog, I have also started another blog that you can private message me for and get details.

I'm writing this because I noticed that a post from 2011 is still getting hits, and being read. I no longer totally agree with it, and see the need to address it. I hammered respect back then. I still believe respect is necessary and vital. 

However, it leaves out another important piece. Men are called to love. Like Jesus. Not when it's easy or convenient or fun or thrilling. Loving like Jesus meant death for Him. 

I don't think men need to literally die, but we need to meet in the middle of the road on this love and respect issue. Too often, men have had the freedom to do whatever, including playing with women's hearts and being abusive because women just need to be respectful. 

Yes, respect is important. It needs to be done because everyone deserves respect as a person made by God. 

But when has love been strongly hammered for the men? As I watch culture, I do notice the swing to the other side, and I have been hesitant to jump on the bandwagon for those reasons. 

Can we find a middle road? I hope so.

For you who keep reading old posts... Blessings. Just remember that people grow and change. Read your Bible more than anything else.

A Psalm for Afghanistan

 Psalm 120 came alive with some research.

The author is distressed as he lives in Meshach in the tents of Kedar. Where and what do these mean?

The grandson of Noah, Meshech is described as a human trafficker in Ezekiel 27:13. Cities and regions were named after people, so I assume that the Psalmist had landed in a place with purveyors of humans around him.

Kedar is not better. The name means blackness and sorrow. The tribe of Kedar was known as warriors who were never at peace. They won some, they lost some, but they were always at war. This link has some fascinating data to think about. I haven't verified that they know everything they are talking about, but it provides some historical speculation. https://nabataea.net/explore/history/12tribes/

These places sound like modern times, don't they? Human trafficking, war, blackness and sorrow.

So back to the beginning of the chapter. When we cry in our distress in the tents of sorrow, trafficking and war, God hears. He might not answer as we think, but He hears.

So consider the story of Ruth and Naomi with me. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. But it wasn't the end of the story. No, in the end it was redeemed by even giving Ruth as an outsider a place in the family tree of the Messiah, Jesus. Ruth and Naomi came in a sense of the word, from Kedar (blackness, sorrow) to enter into a story of hope and redemption in Israel.

Whether we get to see the end of the story that is currently happening in Afghanistan where the Taliban seem to have a huge lot in common with the warriors of Kedar is not the point. The thing we need is to believe that God is still good, that He is still working on drawing people to Himself, and He is still redeeming stories like Ruth and Naomi. He is offering unlikely opportunity and position to people who trust Him. The people, like Ruth, may never know what that important role was, but God does. 

In this moment, we know God hears. God is doing something. We may not see it, but we can rest assured that He is working just as He always has. We just need to trust Him. 

And yes, it doesn't feel fair or right that we are safe and blessed while places like Afghanistan or Myanmar are in the middle of fire. We can pray. We can ask God how He wants us involved in the world. We can trust that God, not evil, will win in the end. And instead of worrying about what all might happen before the end of the world, let's make sure our hearts are ready for the End of our lives.

The Voice of a Woman

 This article started my thinking:

https://velvetashes.com/lessons-from-when-i-belonged-at-the-zoo/

And a quick Google search found this article:

https://lausanneworldpulse.com/lausannereports/740/06-2007

All my life, I have been told to tone it down. Be quiet. Don't say anything. And I understand why. 

I don't want to challenge authority, and I'm not here to throw out the status quo. I'm not here to say we need women preachers, etc... God forbid that anyone think so.

But these articles bring me to tears. Not just for my personal experience, but because I know the stories of other women. 

And I remember how closely I broke down and cried on the spot when a preacher told me that single women are an essential and needed part of the church. I didn't know him well enough to cry in front of him, but I did on the way home. I didn't realize how much it meant to be seen as fully human for once. To be seen by a Mennonite man as having something to offer to the church.

It's okay for women to go to foreign places, but then their voice doesn't matter. Especially if they are single. I'm speaking for silent ones. I know. May I ask why we can go and are encouraged to do as well as "not waste our lives waiting on the man," but then be treated as 2nd rate citizens whose opinions don't matter when we show up?

If women's Sunday school classes can be taught by women, what would a sending organization for women be like if at least a few ladies were on the executive panel? At least a women's auxiliary of member care?

I'm not here to shake everything loose, and for the most part, the male led businesses that I have worked for are far more functional than the female led enterprises. I personally tend to feel more secure when there's good solid men in leadership. 

But my personal plea is this: only a female cheerleader gets what it feels like to be a woman running a race. What about putting a single woman or two on a plane to visit the women serving around the world instead of the board and their wives? What about a class taught by a woman to women who want to go to the field? Or other prepping that is not all male led?

I know. It falls flat coming from one of us. But it's my appeal. You don't need to shift the world several tectonic plates and cause an earthquake. Just acknowledge there's a few things about women that it takes a woman to understand, and leave us to our tea party devices.

There's places where women might have stayed, and would still be making a major impact if they would have had the moral support they needed. There's losses that should be mourned by men and women who passively watched women burn out. We needed you. We forgive you for it, but I for one won't watch other women go down. So I use my small voice to say this... 

Women need women in places where their voice is heard and understood. 

Springs In Baca

 "As they go through the valley of Baca, they will make it a place of springs..." Psalm 84:6

Google Baca, and get inspiration. Baca is the place of weeping. A place where the trees are known to "weep" resin and sap. Possibly the verse is just talking about a difficult season vs. an actual place. Make sure to notice that Baca isn't a destination in the verse, but a place to travel through. We aren't stuck in it. 

Don't forget the verse says that it will be a place that springs life. The place of weeping will become a well.

Other valleys come to mind like this: "...make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope." Hosea 2:15

All throughout the Bible, there's a theme of horrible turned into amazing. Sorrow upgraded to Joy. I'll let you think through the Stories, and latch on your own favorite one where God brought joy to someone struggling.

Let's zoom in on the verses that touch on the topic of joy:

"Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

"In your presence there is fullness of joy." Psalms 16:11

"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalms 30:5

"...to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;" Isaiah 61:3

"Joy shall be in Heaven over one sinner who repents, more than over 99 just who need no repentance." Luke 15:7

"These things have I spoken into you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." John 15:11

I could stop here and just have all of us meditate on these verses, but I'm seeing a few truths.

Nick Ripken quoted the "But joy comes in the morning" verse, and talked about how it didn't come in Somalia. My personal experience is that it certainly doesn't come in 12 hours like a literal morning does. This doesn't nullify the truth of the verse, but reality is that we don't necessarily find joy in circumstances.

What I often miss is that joy is found in His presence. Jesus shared the secret to joy in John 15: abiding in Him. Our circumstances may never change, and we may always have drama, but we don't need to define life by it. We need to fix our eyes on the Only One who can bring deep joy, and not get distracted by the trials, craziness and whatever curve ball comes.

His joy is our strength. We might go through the Valley of Baca, but He needs to be our destination. Finding Him is enough to carry us through.

We can trade our sorrows for the joy of the Lord as the song goes. So how does that happen? Focus on Him. Meditation on verses. Surrender to letting Him do it on His time. He keeps His promises.

Transfixed by Transfiguration

Mesmerized is something I don't get very often in this day and age. Jaded by life, I kinda don't get surprised by much. But there's something worth getting mesmerized by. Come check it out!

What is transfiguration? 

Can we join Moses and Elijah in being transfigured?

First of all, I searched for definitions.

Transfiguration: a change in form. Metamorphosis of a butterfly.

Transformation: a remaking of something. A remodel. House flipping.

Thanks to a bunch of different sources recently, the Negeb desert has come up a lot in my personal studies. Ironically, Elijah and Moses both had God Encounters in the general area of this desert. 

Moses met God on a mountain at the far end of the desert. I liked how Danielle Wheeler pointed out that God promised him that he would be back, with the whole nation of Israel. Their wandering around the wilderness was fulfilling this promise.

I get excited about the fact that entire chapters of Exodus are conversation between God and Moses. There's the tent of meeting where Moses went to talk to his best friend, God. And his student/helper, Joshua, stayed by the tent of meeting all the time. Details I never noticed.

Moses eventually took on a glow that scared the people because he had spent enough time worshipping God. I paraphrase Evelyn Underhill who says that "worship is the way to allow the influence of God on us." Imagine what that influence could be!?!? Wouldn't a glow be great?

Elijah dropped off his servant in Beersheba, and then went on into the desert. First, an angel fed him. And God spoke to him there.  I don't think that Elijah had plans to meet God. In fact, God woke him up for their conversation.

Later, Elijah was having his last moment with Elisha, and Elisha asked for Elijah's spirit to stay with him. There's some miracles that happened as well, but for transfiguration sake, I want to zoom in on this: other people recognized the spirit of Elijah on Elisha. Somehow they knew.

There's hope for us in the wilderness. The prophets who were in the transfiguration with Jesus both met God there. I'd say we're in good company if we find ourselves in the wilderness, as unpleasant as it might be.

So can we be changed like they were? I think so. Even if we don't get to the glow of Moses, we can at least get close enough to see what the disciples saw. Recently I came across the words of 2 Peter 1 where he writes about the experience. They weren't transfigured, but I think the disciples were transformed. Either way, seeking God enough to experience Him is worthwhile.

One thing that I noticed in both the Old Testament prophets' lives is that the change was seen by other people. Both of them had a follower who would rise up to take their place as a leader. I don't think we can experience transfiguration or transformation without rubbing off on other people. Change doesn't stick with one, but continues it's contagious journey onto others.

So wilderness journeys are the hot, arid, melting points that shatter us, not just to break us. They shatter us so we can experience more of God in our life. Shattered in order to get transformation and transfiguration. Shattered so we become part of powerful beacons of light in a dark place that Peter talked about.

Dive into your study, and then tell me what you got mesmerized by. 

Tamarisk and Fig: Inspirational Partners

 Ever wonder what plant Hagar threw her son under?

Ever wonder what Abraham planted by the well?

What about the tree Nathaniel was sitting under?

The list could go on and on, but there's 3 scenes that I have been reflecting on.

Hagar had run from a harsh woman, and felt like the end was there for her and her child. She throws her son under a tamarisk tree. God came and met her, and she was thankful for the "God who sees me." We all have moments when we need an intimate encounter with God. If He sees, we know it's going to be okay.

Abraham had a bunch of problems with well squatters. They kept taking over his hand hewn wells, and finally they had a "come to Jesus" moment. After the promise was made that there's no more snitching, Abraham plants a tamarisk tree. And he stays for many days in the land of the Philistines.

So what is significant about the tamerisk? They can survive in drought and salty conditions. They have a honey like substance called manna dripping off.

In the context of working overseas, this stands out. Tamarisk inspire us to survive the droughts of life. We can give off a sweet substance. We can be a shelter for someone in trouble. After Abraham planted the tree, he stayed in the foreign place for a long time.

Nathaniel sat under the fig tree. If you watch the Chosen season 2, episode 2, you'll understand this better what is mentioned in John when Jesus called him. Jesus was not visible to him when Nathaniel was under the tree, but at the time of his calling, Jesus tells him that He saw him under the tree. Before you get your calling, you are seen.

The significance of the fig tree itself is found in it's fruit. The fruit is a super good for anything that ails you. Google it. Jesus cursed one that had no fruit. This was a good food to eat when you were on a journey and needed a little energy. 

So God sees the things going on under the trees. He made the tamerisk to survive the desert, and the fig to help us survive.

When life is dry, be like that tamerisk and thrive in spite of the conditions. And if you need to, reach for a fig to tide you over.

Tamerisk and Fig. Your inspirational partners found in nature.

P.S. Their relative, the flamboyant tree in Asia and tropical areas of the world is known to bloom at the end of the dry season before the rains come. When most things are brown, it blooms. When life looks brownish, bloom!

Another in the Fire

 T shirt ads pop up all over social media. I normally skip over them without much of a second glance. But then one with, "There was Another in the fire." 

Daniel is the familiar character we associate with being in the fire. Jesus was seen even by the king who ordered him and his friends thrown in. 

God held back the flood of water so the Isrealites could walk through on dry ground. Fire, water, earthquake... God is there.

Moses had multiple crisis scenarios with Pharoah before the people were finally allowed to leave. God was there, creating plagues in the middle of it all.

In the 2021 Velvet Ashes retreat, (a great resource group for women working overseas/inner cities) Danielle Wheeler talked about the burning bush scenario where God promised they would be back at this mountain. The wilderness years of the Israelites weren't just because they sinned. It was because God had preplanned this wilderness journey, and wanted to be their only God. Wilderness is designed to strip us from our idols. In the middle of the fire, we want to make demands of why. But we need to surrender instead and let God do the interior work that He wants. The very reason He led us here is to bring us closer to Him.

Joseph was in prison before he got his breakthrough. God was with him in prison as much as He was when Joseph was a ruler in Egypt. In fact, God made sure it was written down that God was with Him.

Job had done nothing wrong, but lost everything and got judged by his so called friends. Eventually, the truth came out, and God restored his life. Initially, it seems like God wasn't there, but I imagine He was actively watching Job like the Father in the Prodigal son story.

More people of the Old Testament could be mentioned. But even after all those difficult dramas, the Isrealites still had to wait through 400 silent years for the Messiah. Even in the silence, God was there sustaining their lives.

God has been there for me over and over. He never left. Sometimes He was silent. But I can see Him as I look back, especially over the past 5 years that have held difficult times. He has brought me through to the other side where I can see it more clearly. He's telling me that He saw all the stretches that felt dark, cold, "unseen" and "misunderstood." He knows the days when I couldn't sing "Jesus loves me," without wondering if it was really true. He knows that the verse in Hebrews about "rewarding those who diligently seek Him" was a hard one that tripped me up when no answer was in sight. But God was there, and He didn't stop there. Goodness no! I KNOW that Jesus loves even me, and He does reward those who seek Him now more then ever.

Fire softens us. Just like most things under heat, we become more pliable if we let God do His thing. We get to choose: better or bitter. It's a testimony to the long rough road, but it was a high compliment on the day that an older lady who I admire from a distance told me that she has seen me soften from when she first remembers meeting me. Sometimes we want the outcome without the pain, but you can't have one without the other. On the day when you don't know which way is up or down, determine to hang on for the ride, and become better. You'll thank Him for it later.

Fire removes dross, the rubbish floating around in our souls. It purifies and cleanses. It changes what we turn to, as it reveals the empty promises of our idols.

Fires are an invitation. Let God into the motherboard of your heart and transform you. Stop trying to control the flames. Just accept the journey, and let God do His thing.

If God calls you to enter into the fire in someone else's life, then offer them an invitation to stop striving and struggling. Say something powerful like, "If you would let yourself cry over all the things, I think you might be crying for a long time." Or "I am surprised that you made it this far." Or "It sounds like you have had a lot of losses." Or "How's your soul?" Start with an invitation of grace. Speak truth later. After they know you care. Sandwich the hard with kindness.

If you are in the middle of the fire, stick it out. It's completely worth it. The changes, the healing, the growth, learning curves, the new compassion, more of Jesus, and just knowing that it is enough to have Him with me in it. I bought the shirt cause it rings true with a deep internal heart string I have. I know fire, and I know there was Another in it with me. You will make it through, and you'll see Him in your fire if you look.

The shirt took longer than necessary to ship. I finally googled reviews on the company which were terrible. Fraud and more. Okay God, is this company is bad deal, or are You wanting to teach me something? Several days later, I was reflecting on episode 2 of the Chosen season 2, and the lost dreams of my own when I got a message saying that the shirt had shipped. In the middle of my burnt up dreams, God was there. There was Another in the fire. Watch the episode, and let it speak to you if you are frustrated with life turning out different than you thought. Sometimes, our dreams are so much smaller than what God has in mind.

A song with these words was part of the Velvet Ashes retreat a year ago. I've added the lyrics to the end of this post for you. The sound track became a regular on my playlist for a while.

There's a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone

There was another in the fire
Standing next to me
There was another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
Of how I've been set free
There is a cross that bears the burden
Where another died for me
There is another in the fire

All my debt left for dead beneath the waters
I'm no longer a slave to my sin anymore
And should I fall in the space between
What remains of me and this reckoning
Either way I won't bow
To the things of this world
And I know I will never be alone

There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There is another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free
There is a grave that holds no body
And now that power lives in me

There is another in the fire
Oh-oh
There is another in the fire
Oh-oh
There is another in the fire
Woah-oh
There is another in the fire
Oh-oh (I can see)

I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

There is no other name
But the name that is Jesus
He who was and still is
And will be through it all

So come what may in the space between
All the things unseen
And this reckoning
And I know I will never be alone (I know, come on)
And I know I will never be alone

There'll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There'll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You've been to me
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

There'll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There'll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You've been to me
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

Source: Musixmatch

Wolf Pack

 Who is your pack, your tribe? Levi Lusko explained in his book, Take Back Your Life, the nature of the wolves. Yes, they howl, but they also nurture each other. Having a support group makes all the difference between whether you can stay in the battle or not.

So the burning question is, "How do I grow my pack?" 

Diane Langberg in Suffering and the Heart of God talks to the people who help others. She says that you will face secondary trauma, time and again. She said that you need moral support and she is absolutely right.

So once again, "How do you build a pack?"

Praying for one. I think God wants to supply the needs of the army.

Being real. I've started talking more to a few people who have been there as well. I need to dare to be more vulnerable. To do this, you have to be rooted in trust and truth.

Appreciate the relationships you have. If you have always lived in one town, you can take this for granted. The older I get, the harder it is to start new relationships. And if you have a track record like mine of moving a lot, it's even worse.

Don't force it, but be relational. And sometimes cut yourself slack when you don't have what it takes cause you're empty. I understand completely. But take an interest, and introduce yourself even if it's awkward. Especially if you are in Florida and the majority at church are visiting. The locals are not snobs, they are just overwhelmed by all the billion touring Menno. How would you feel if every Sunday morning for a few months more than 50% of the people at church are visitors?

Lusko says body language and posture impacts your connection to the pack. Think about the vibes you give. What you do normally comes back at you. There's a lot to unpack on this so spend your time chewing on the bone.

Spend time together. There's definitely different interests you might share with a few. From buying a burger or ice cream, to reading a book together or combing the beach for shells, find your common ground and go for it.

Right now, I'm blessed with a lot of new people who totally intrigue me. I want to know their stories, and what makes them tick. They haven't lived ordinary lives by the hints I've gotten. I don't know if they are candidates for my wolf pack, or would even want to be. But something makes me want to be a cheerleader pack member for them. That last sentence. Reflect on it. Instead of building your own wolf pack, build someone else up. Be intrigued by them. Take an interest. Build them up. Pray for them.

The best question then is, "How can I bless those around me cause we're 'packed' together in life?

Pain has Purpose

 5 years ago this week, I flew into Myanmar thinking it would be my forever home. It had been my dream, my goal for 9 years prior to that. In fact, to the exact date that only God could have timed. A lot of life, conflict, highlights and lowlights happened the following 2 years. Completely shattered dreams. And I no longer wanted to be there. 

I came home too raw to think straight. If I would tell myself (and you if you are raw) what to do different after "raw," I would say, "chill for a while, and don't rush into anything because you don't want to perpetrate more pain on yourself or anyone else." 

Post Asia, I didn't chill and almost immediately entered into the hell of a few people's lives this side of the pond while trying to sort out my own 2 years of harsh life experience. Some pain was mine, but a bunch wasn't. As we enter into their lives, if you are like me, you don't expect to pay the extravagant cost of feeling their pain as well. I'm still trying to sort this out, but I think it is freeing to acknowledge how hard this burden can be when you lump all of a community's issues together. Vicarious trauma is a thing. In the myriad of global pain, we can learn so many things. They from us, and us from them. This could take so many directions in this universal pain, but let's allow it to be our teacher. 

It was the pain of it all that which brought me to see life from a very different angle. I remember the day when I came to God and said "I am not coming to You to intercede for any ethnic groups. I'm coming cause I need help." My direction and purpose has changed an unfathomable amount since then. (in a good way) When life is going well, we don't ask for help. We obliviously might need assistance, but pain is what opens our eyes to seeing the need.

I never dreamed that I would be living in Florida, working in a hotel as a housekeeper of all things 5 years later. I had other work plans when I moved here, but it turned out different. I don't think it matters. See when life simply doesn't turn out the way we thought, we have a choice: believe that the Bible is true when God says His ways are higher than ours, or not. We also have the choice of how we respond to the pain of life turning out differently than we thought. 

Pain has a way of spelling out what some really foundational truths are for our hearts to understand. For example, my identity as God sees me doesn't depend on what I do. I can be a housekeeper instead of an English teacher and He loves me just the same. My right to Salvation is not any different. 

Pain also can open doors for opportunities you would never have otherwise as Levi Lusko says. He has some great thoughts in his book, 'Take back your life.'  If you are processing pain, read this guy's stuff. If you have not been there yourself, it's hard to speak into something in someone's life.

I remember wanting to shoot the lady who said that some day this whole crazy Asia story was going to be a gold mine for me. It was simply too painful at that moment. But I understand what cross cultural workers face like I didn't before. And I have a completely different outlook on conflict because of it. It ain't all bad, just saying. Your pain is also where you can go mining for more of God. It changed my heart direction in life. So yes, she spoke truth. We learn more through hard times then through the good ones. And we can offer hope to others coming through similar trails because we've been there.

While I never want to relive it, it's my Noah's Flood. There was the before, the during and the after. God got me through it so that is my Ark. It changed everything just like the Flood so nothing was "old normal" anymore. You probably have some experience kinda like Noah's story yourself. This process could be called character development. Let the process of pain happen so you grow from it. You'll find a rainbow after the struggle and say the journey was worth it.

I've also become excruciatingly aware of the coping mechanisms that I turn to because of the pain. Have you ever thought about how absurd it is to turn to anything outside of God? If it wasn't for pain, I may not have turned to these things, but neither would I have realized how easily I can be deceived. Pain has woken me up to see how hell bent I can be. Ouch. Think about it for yourself. Pain is what opens our eyes to better options then self destructing.

One last thing. God wastes nothing. People can judge me for this move to Florida, but I get the feeling that there's a far greater story going on here. Burnout, pain and bad choices of the past may have led me here, but I can't reveal the things yet that are amazing small but important details that so easily could hugely impact my future right in the middle of current circumstances. What if pain leads us to the future vision we want? I'm intrigued to say the least by stuff I didn't see coming. And I think God can do the same for you in whatever crazy unplanned circumstances you find yourself in. Your pain will not be wasted for sure.

So if you are tempted to quit, don't. Your pain has a purpose. 

Hope: {from the floor}

 Are they trafficking the kids? I don't know, but why don't we consult the missing children network?

Why did he leave the family, and move in with the murdered man's wife of all people?

Is the rumor true that his dad is a drug dealer? Maybe there's a reason he is a known bully? What if he had a "good" daddy instead and he was given a different example to follow? What if his little sister didn't have to go home every night to an empty house for a few hours before any adults got home?

Why is that car shot full of bullet holes?

Her kids were taken supposedly cause of an ipad sold for drugs and it ended up still being found in a safe place. So why were they taken?

Her daughter was hit by a car, and recovered. So why does mom have memory problems that are typical of trauma victms?

Why does a little girl need to die after her dad runs a stop sign right after an argument with mom? 

What's behind the anger problem of 2 nd grader "Soe"?

Why is "Aung" or "Su" not in school again for the upteenth day?

Why should a girl miss school cause dad is in jail for a few weeks?

Why does a mom of a baby need to walk her older kids to school every day in the winter? 

What if an adult hadn't found the knives?

Ever been witness to foster kids acting out the traumas they have lived through? It messes with you like almost nothing can...

Why is the floor wet all the time in their apartment? Several injuries later, I think it's fixed, but who will take care of dialysis trips and other ongoing things?

Where is the church? Why does it feel like I live in a 3rd world country most of the week, and then make a trip to the 1st world on Wednesday night and Sunday morning?

There's a lot more stories. 

Questions. Real life situations. 

How do you stay engaged, and not burn out? There's a lot of trauma and damage that is a normal part of refugee life.  Married people chasing each other with knives. Yes, they don't know a different kind of normal. So how do you process the drama, and not get messed up?

Burn out is real. Answers don't come easily. I've made mistakes in how I handle and cope. But there's got to be a way to do life without making radical moves to Florida to regroup.

Diane Langberg said in Suffering and the Heart of God that first all of life is allowed for one purpose: glorifying God. And she gives us 3 steps for how to approach all of this chaos. First, with Him. Next, for Him. And finally, by Him. He helps us do impossible. A lot of us need to be begging Him to change us first so we can be like Him. At least I have to. 

So what are the secret weapons for dealing with desperate scenarios?

God, God, and God. Maybe there's a reason for the trinity beyond some theological explanation?:)

Letting God fix my heart first. Unhealthy stuff and wounds of the past are terrible motivation for helping someone else, unless they are healed. Huge.

Companionship. People who enter the trench. Rare gems, but worth praying for and cultivating relationship with if you have them. The people who are involved at this level don't look or act much like me, but I get hope and encouragement from seeing and knowing that they are out there. Anyone interested in helping is actually encouraging. I'm hoping for some to partner with more in the future.

Social life. Some recharge for the batteries helps.

Setting expectations realistically is a game changer. Change doesn't happen overnight for most people. It doesn't for the stubborn ones like me, at least. What if success is simply being there for people as a witness? What if their lives never change, and all I am actually supposed to do is offer an ounce of love when their need is for a fire tank engine full of love to combat the trauma? What if my prayers are not answered, and their lives get worse instead of better? What if God never called me to fix everything?

I know. I ask too many questions. Ever since I was a small child, I have asked enough questions to earn the name, "Question Box." A few family jokes center around odd answers to my questions. But I still think questions are worth asking.

I don't have it figured out, but I think Langberg in her book brings out a truth. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and enter into messy situations. We are also called to enter in, but not necessarily to bring success and transformation. PTL! If that happens. But we are only asked to sit in and show a different kind of normal. We don't have to be the Saviour, the mechanic, or the Doctor. We just are who we are because of what Jesus did in our lives, and that is enough.

We don't have to write long reports, make up crazy goals, and measure success by human expectations. We need to focus on Jesus, be as healthy as possible emotionally and spiritually, and show up to love those around us. 

We don't need more unrealistic expectations for performance thrown at us by the powers that be. No crazy challenge to do another project when we are already tired. No judgement when we can't keep up anymore. No self righteous airs need to be mentioned. At some point, we just have to stop people pleasing and make peace with reality that their expectations and my ability doesn't match. 

 We just need more people who are willing to say that they laid on their kitchen floor and cried and needed counseling several times during their career. People who offer grace. Thank God some of these brave women showed up for me! We need people who admit that they need transformation as much as the broken situations I mentioned earlier. That's when burnout stops for a second. And hope begins. 

Beautiful hope.

When you are at the bottom, and you find God can still reach beneath your floor, there's new hope. I've laid there myself and played Laura Story's 'You Cannot be Stopped', on repeat. I've found hope in knowing He is not challenged by any circumstances.

Be real. Offer hope through the mutual mess, instead of sounding like you got it together. Let the scenarios remind us of how much we need God ourselves. Offer the hope that is only found on kitchen floors. 

I'm still in recovery. Maybe still in heart surgery. Keep praying for the journey.

Divine Providence

 I wasn't offered a job I was pretty confident that I could do back in 2018. So I was jobless for a week longer than I hoped. 

A lot can happen in a week. I was invited to a meeting that was far more important then I knew until I arrived. I looked around at the dignitaries who sat around the table. State Representatives, Police officer, non-profit directors, and the girl who had recently returned from Asia. The only thing I felt I had in common was that I observed around half were left handed like me. Not much to have in common, but it was something. The topic was refugees so we quickly forgot our differences, and dug in.

Sitting across from me was the woman who eventually would be my boss at district level. She is one who believes in people, and gives them a chance. So for the past 2.5 school years, I have had this position because way back when I was rejected from another opportunity, I had the time to go to a meeting with the big people. A meeting that would shape a bit of my life.  I didn't start working for her immediately, and for the summer, I had another job that would accommodate my emotional rollercoaster of re-entry. As soon as I was hired at EACS, I realized it was a Providential Hand that gave me a week of free time in the spring.

Sometimes, it's clear. God has us hemmed in behind and before. Sometimes we can hear Him say, "This is the way, walk in it." 

Sometimes, it's not as clear, and we have to remember the ways He led us in the past. Once, we drove to the Thai/Burma border looking for possibilities, and hit the jackpot of Opportunities. It was one step that led to another. Another time, God promised me 3 times that the door would be open. Only later did I find out that the agent working on our visas had to apply the 3rd time before she was successful, and then we were in the last group to get visas. I could tell a lot of stories, and you probably have bunch of your own. Remember those stories.

Other times, confirmation comes alongside us, one moment at a time. I handed in my resignation at work, and the next day I overheard a conversation that said they had a replacement. I had been praying that they would find someone before I left, so it was an answer to prayer.

Rick always told us to follow the peace of God. There's a lot of reassuring that comes with it. We might not know what is coming next, but we don't have to worry. 

We are commanded to be anxious about nothing, but pray about everything. In waiting, it's not easy. But if you go around the mulberry bush of change often enough, it does get easier.

So in the space of waiting to see what 2021 will hold, I reflect on God's goodness, and thank Him for the stories of the past. Stories that clearly dictate that no matter how much I try or do, ultimately there is a Divine Providential Hand on all of the details in life.

Instead of waiting until we can see it clearly, let's start praising and thanking God for what He has done, and what He will do in the future before we know what it is.

If He gives us a idea of what might be coming, but it feels impossible, then let's reflect on Who He is, and His capability, not the circumstances. Cause in the end, it's what His Providential Hand does, instead of what we do.

He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we can imagine!

What Color is Your Jesus?

 Some of you think I am going to travel some racial path right now, and you are checking to see if I'm on the "right track" or not. Then depending on what I say, you're going to forever value or discount everything else I say. Well, relax. I'm not going down that track.

I have experienced Jesus in tangible ways around the hood that would make the best Pharisees cast me out of their synagogue for what I have concluded. Jesus restores and indwells bodies with tattoos, male hair buns, and more that totally breaks the church rule of normal. And He restores my soul through them. Get that. He restores my soul through them. 

God is even answering my prayers through THEM. They are showing up to work in the hard places. They were not what I was picturing when I was hoping more loving people would show up in this hood. But it blesses me to see SOMEONE is stepping up. They work here. They live here. They are for these people. 

Which brings me to this... Jesus came for Publicans and Sinners. He wasn't focused on reaching the Pharisees, or the people who have it 'all together.' 

In James it says, "Pure religion and undefiled before God is this: to love the widow and fatherless and keep yourself unspotted from the world." See when you get involved, it gets messy. God knew that. So He told us to get in there and love. And keep ourselves clean. The latter takes on meaning when you enter into the mess, and start to realize how easily lies can enter in if you are busy doing good things, and not watching your thoughts closely.

The reality is though that if I am seeing right in the hood (s) I have been in, that God uses messy, broken people to get the job done. Pharisees have never done anything besides add drama to life. Drama like trying to keep up with the Jones family. And the Pharisees miss out on some of the best things in life cause they get stuck on stuff. They never understood the 7:47 principle which means that "he who has been forgiven little, loves little. He who has been forgiven much, loves much." I pray we all realize that we are desperately lost Sinners in need of a Saviour.

So what does your Jesus "with skin on" look like? Maybe He's all clean, shiny and perfect as a peach. 

I'll take the variety that I have come across any time. These get into the lives of the fatherless. They are overwhelmed by the messy, but they are not scared of it because they know Jesus.

And knowing Him is really what life is all about.

Abiders

There's a whole new level beyond being a follower! It's the Abider level. 

God has been using Ann VosKamp's devotional email and the local sacred community group to show how exhilarating a plan He has. He has been using all of life to push me towards the only thing He knows will sustain and carry me through. Himself.

God has really been talking through the ages through His Word in John 15 about abiding. But here's the exciting part: He told us the secret for our joy. And not just for a little thrill, but a beyond the moon, cloud nine, whipped cream kind of happiness that actually lasts a lot longer than the cherry on top! He cares about our joy! He doesn't hide the secret to happiness, but spells it out for us.

Abiding can seem like a hard command. Like what is this anyway? Ann did a great job on exploring the topic, so I will gladly forward the email, if you want to read her words on Abiding.

In sacred community, we read John 15 and it came alive to me. Jesus wasn't pushing us towards abiding or pruning for His sake, but ours. Our joy matters to Him!

When this world offers nothing more than mere survival, desperately needy drama, and abyss of trouble, remember that God wants to give you something different. Something that will bring you pure joy, found by abiding.

Abiding requires trust. You are not going to sit with Someone who you don't believe completely. 

Abiding means I don't do it on my strength anymore, but His. It's an acknowledgement that I don't depend on myself anymore.

Abiding is transformation waiting to happen. 

So if you read my last blog post aka rant, then know that I also need a lot of growth. There's a call to higher ground then I have reached. Abiding and going on HIS strength, not my own, will be the way forward.

Fan or Follower

I'm going to borrow the title of a recent sermon for a rampage of thoughts barging their way through my mind, and even disrupting my sleep.

Family is Uber important in the Menno world (and it is important) but should it be more important than God? Jesus said unless we forsake father and mother, we can't be a Disciple... Not sure what weight our excuses hold against Jesus' words.

 How can a church full of people sit brooding over hurt feelings and contemplating a split when not so far away is a woman who needs to go to dialysis 3 days a week with no one to support her? I understand hurt feelings. I've been there. But let's not get hung up there. There's lessons to be learned, and then we need to offer hope from our own broken pieces to those who know messy better then we can imagine it.

I have begged for social worker support for more than a month, and gone on all kinds of emotional rollercoaster rides for refugee friends over a much longer period of time, but beyond the social worker community, I don't get any better response from the Christian ppl around.

I don't tell stories for entertainment or any sensations. In fact, I hate just being entertainment. But when people have called me for help for the upteenth time for a lost child or to run them to the ER... What am I to say or do when I am personally running low on all my resources, and there's no one else to call?

You don't speak the right language, you say. Love trumps every language. 

There's needs in the church, but a lot of them would resolve themselves if we stopped the platitudes in Sunday School and dived into real world problems to get our eyes off ourselves. 

I like coffee too, but sometimes it feels pretty shallow people on Instagram or Facebook, if you know what I mean. First world problems.

Why does it seem like ppl like to hear that someone is doing something as long as it doesn't require them to do anything? Or maybe they can give to a cause, but they don't want to get messy themselves? How is that ok?

There's just a lot wrong with this world and I don't understand. Maybe you can help me, but don't start on the platitudes. It's simply too much.

Lately, there's been a lot of hard stuff that isn't easy, and I don't have answers. It would be easier to live on the other side of the world and not regularly crash between 2 different worlds called the city and church.

But I think that sermon on Sunday set something straight in my mind. There's a lot more fans than followers in God's House these days. 

Followers pray and listen. They take orders. They live from the overflow of a relationship, but that's a whole other blog post. Followers don't just know facts. Followers are in a relationship with the God they love. And there's where I see how much I still need to grow as a faithful follower. You can choose to be a fan, but I would take all the aspects of being a follower. Sometimes, coffee comes with it!;)

The Plagues

It's all about what you call something. If you look at the children of Israel in Egypt, you could talk about the plagues and how terrible they were, or you could focus on God as He worked the miracles.

The story of 2020 seems to read about the same. We might be on about plague number three or four or five. Still have who knows how many plagues to go. But remember their story didn't stop in the middle, and ours won't either.

We might walk away only to find ourselves facing a 'Red Sea' type of impossible. But it didn't stop there either. They walked through on dry ground, between walls of water. God can still do miracles today just like He did then.

The challenge for us is this: Are we going to look at the plagues and hard circumstances around us, or look at God who hasn't changed? The God who is still a Miracle Worker?

Let's keep history alive like God commanded the Israelites. They did it by building a pile of stones as a memorial. We could do it by journals, mementos, books, photos, art or whatever suits your fancy. We're going to need those reminders for the rest of the plagues, the tribulations of the end times, and just life in general.

God deserves our attention more than all the plagues from then or now. If you pile all the terrible plagues and what not on one side, and place God on the other, He will always be bigger than the bad side. Keep your eyes on Him.

Conflict

Sooner or later, it comes. Sometimes, unexpectedly, but it always comes. The dreaded tension. All the emotional upheavals. In the worst cases, you could say that the world turned upside down.

I've been through enough in my life to have spent a significant amount of time thinking about team conflict. How to avoid it. How to divert it. How to deal with the aftermath. I'm not ready for more necessarily, but I have also lost some fear of it.

It's not all bad. Paul and Barnabas split ways for a while. They reached more places separated then they did together.

Reality is, wherever there are people, there will be problems. No matter where you go, it happens at some degree at some level. Doesn't always get severe enough to separate, but the tensions can still make a few ripples anywhere.

Sometimes, you are the offended, and sometimes, you are the offender. Either way, deal with your heart.

In the light of this topic, I have read Tim Clinton's book on Attachments, and Healthy Me, Healthy Us by Les and Leslie Parrott. The strength of the conflict in a lot of ways matches the emotional wholeness and wounds of those at it's epicenter. If we have healthier attachment styles, and we are striving for wholeness emotionally, we will have less drama within the tensions.

The point boils down to one thing. We need to take care of our own wounds, and issues that flow out of them. God may have allowed this conflict for your healing and greater good!

Stop the finger pointing for the next month, and look deep inside. Is it all one person's fault? No, everyone has some flaws that enter the fray.

If the quarantine showed us anything, I hope we saw the extent of the stuff we just carry with us, and never take time to process because we're "too busy." Moving forward, how are you and I going to realistically deal with life as it happens. Especially if it's crazy dramatic like a lot of my weeks are normally???

Maybe it's a sacred community of friends speaking into our lives. Maybe it's more solitude. Maybe it's more praying. Or more intentional weekends/week nights. Whatever you need to do, do it because stuff can get deep fast. Change {me} before them.

Your relationship attachment style is merely a signal of where you are on the wholeness map. You choose as a kid whether you will avoid it, leech off everyone, or be healthy. If you want to change your life and attachment style, change your beliefs so your thoughts and actions can be transformed. Stop worrying about the other people and just ask God what He wants to accomplish in your own heart with it?

Determine to become better and not bitter.

Pray more than you push agendas. The chances are, God's really after a completely different purpose then anyone realizes. Seek His Face. He shows up as we surrender.

Let me say once more, determine to become better and not bitter if you don't know what to do. It pays! Let this conflict be the one that sparks an internal change.

Sacred Community

Sacred Community...A place for a group of people who inspire, encourage and urge each other on in their individual journeys with God.

Something that is so needed, and yet so few relationships are safe enough, or deep enough to be what develops spiritual growth.

It's not counseling. It's not advise. It's hearing from God together. It's praying for the others in the group. It's not fixing, but it's joining God in creating the beauty and redemption He wants.

It happens among people who have built relationships where pretentiousness and social protocol don't have any say. It happens in places where gossiping is shunned and excommunicated. It happens among people who are broken and ok with the mending journey being messy. It happens among the people who can share unedited stories without any judgement.

This is what we all long for, and yet too many prefer that life stay so neat and predictable that you can't keep it real.

Ask hard questions.
Am I in relationships that encourage growth?
Am I changing the things I can first of all in me?
Am I courageous in speaking life and hope to others?
What cost am I willing to pay for meaningful relationship?
Am I really known or do I hide behind busyness or anything else?
Where have I come from?
Where am I going?
Who is going with me?

See we are not meant to go the journey alone. We need people to walk with and speak into our lives. We are also called to reach out to others and bless them. Find a group you can allow into the sacred space of your life and walk with them.

Urgency of the Hour

I was sitting on my couch at 7:58pm on a Sunday night recently when I heard semi-auto shots in rapid succession.

The next morning, my heart sank as I realized a human had seriously injured other people just around the corner. I'm not the type that could even kill an animal, and this was people we are talking about.

3 weeks before this, a random murder happened that took the daddy of one of my students. They had just gotten to the USA 4 months before this. This victim had sat in my office.

Over Christmas break, I fled south to be with family for Christmas. A friend messaged me to say that our mutual friend was moving out of state before I would be back. Again, my heart dropped. I have the Good News in her language, and I hadn't gotten around to having the perfect time to share it with her.

I got home, and luckily she'd stayed in town one more week. That last time I had with her, we went shopping like normal, to the laundromat and I made sure she had a functioning link to the Story. My last memory is of her watching the link as I left. Within a week, she is living hours away.

This week, I saw the Free Burma Rangers movie with war scenes from Burma and Iraq, followed by an Alice practice drill at school the next day. This is prepping for an intruder at school.

God is looking for people who are not afraid to step up and into hard situations because He wants others that He loves to know Him, too.

Most of the time, there are no bullet ridden cars around. It's called loving the person in front of me. It's defending a child. It's helping a family. It's being a friend. It's normal stuff that anyone could do. But it's being intentional with where I put myself.

Most of my world has little contact with Jesus followers because they are not going out intentionally even though this city is known for churches. Churches who have heard about volunteer opportunities and aren't willing to step up to the plate. I'm not talking about any certain denomination here. It's across the board...

For some reason, there is this big fat lie that floats around the pews that people who go out have to be special, called, holy people. It's like a friend said recently, the stories of missionary people sound super amazing in church, but get them in your home, and you hear it's not all glorious. Sometimes I am shocked that God would use even me with my issues. But I struggle to talk about my issues cause I am supposed to be a good person.

This lie has to be replaced with a bit of the truth. Everyone is called. From Genesis 12 on, the heart of the Father is clear. The blessings we have are given for one reason. To be a blessing to all ppl. It's not just the Great Commission. It's practically the concept of the whole Bible. If you believe the cross was necessary for your sins, what about everyone else's?

Do you have to travel across the world? No. Travel is one of the best experiences ever, but across the street is just as ripe an opportunity as I observed my neighbor going on a "witch Hunt" with a 2x4 after an argument at their house where a car took off.

Let the bullets remind you of the urgency. God doesn't give the spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind. 99% of the time, you likely won't be dealing with guns, but with people. Love them well.

Embracing the Color

Years ago, at the Bible School in Arkansas, we all had to introduce ourselves with our personality color. Mine is not the perfect Mennonite shade for females, to put it simply. And the journey of embracing my color (who God made me to be) began.

Over the years, God met me on this, and even sent the color of butterflies to me that He wanted for me, not what I wanted. But as I looked at them sitting literally on my bare toes in Thailand, I couldn't argue.

Culture dictates so much in our lives. That's a global problem. Are we going to rise above what they say, and do what God created us to?

For example, you should be married by 22 according to culture. Are you going to wait for marriage to start your life, or get on it now? I'm closer to 22x2 then the original digit, and still single. But I know that the opportunity to speak into the lives of the children and adults around me is exponentially greater than the amount of lives I would have touched if I had gotten married at 21.75 years. I chose to embrace the story God has, and make the best of it. It's been beyond anything my wild imagination could possibly come up with!

I'm not bashing marriage, and if that is the story God has for you, I am sure it will be just as good.

Whether you are 17.95 years old, or 22, 35 or 95, are you asking God what He had in mind for you, and working with Him to develop the giftings and character He has placed in you?

Do you know what your personality is on the Disc or Myers Briggs test? Are you self aware enough to know what your response is to different personalities?

Do you know what your spiritual gifts are? You can study Ephesians 4, Romans 12, or 1 Corinthians 12. There are also tests online.

Gary Thomas talks about the way we relate to God in Sacred Pathways. Not all of us hear from God the same way. Are you aware of how He speaks to you?

What are your interests and hobbies? Development of those can bring a lot of glory to God.

Think about your story until now. What are significant themes? Sometimes God uses our painful pieces to connect with others. Once I felt like God really wanted me to talk about the dark suicidal thoughts I struggled with a decade before this in a camp on the other side of the world. What I didn't know was that a girl had attempted suicide the year before that sat in my class. A few years later, I was visiting Asia again, but was hours away from this village when I ran into a man from there that told me she was now married and had a child. God might have redemption stories like this one for you.

My prayers for all of us is that we embrace the story God has for us. Accepting our personality, culture, giftings, hard pieces, and what ever our story hands us is one of the best ways we give God glory as we let Him use all of it.

You may not be the same color as I am, but are you accepting the color you are?

Hospitality: An Act of Love

Henri Nouwen, in his book, Reaching Out, refers to this space as hospitality. “Hospitality,” he says, “means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place…It is not a method of making our God and our way into the criteria of happiness, but the opening of an opportunity to others to find their God and their way.” ... quote from Velvet Ashes blog. https://velvetashes.com/hospitality-as-sacred-space-the-grove-sacred-spaces/?fbclid=IwAR2Z8oQXtsYroq_UuC0R0zCcGpBW5h7laUa-vrHUOpqQT9aqAk8BacJVcbA

For Christmas, a colleague gave me a small plaque that says, “Do all things with great love.” I’m sure it sprang from a rich conversation we had. But moving forward into a new year, I am challenged to be more intentional about loving people well.

Another quote that has inspired me over the years, and still grabs me is this: “The most artistic thing we can do is love others.”

As a single woman, actual hospitality is a unique experience. Hosting and entertaining as one instead of several can be complicated, but it can be done. And it comes with a blessing. I was richly awed by the way our conversation touched my own heart as we savored a moment around the table. We don't just dump into others, but they also usually give back to us. We don't do it for that reason, but blessing others does pay forward and may just come full circle.

The hospitality that Henri talked about isn't always just the typical invite someone over type. It's being a friend anywhere.

So what are some bottom line essential pieces of being hospitable?
-confidentiality
-refusal to gossip
-being comfortable with your own story
-walking with the Spirit
-don't judge

It helps to educate ourselves about hearts and emotions, but if we can process our own story well, we can offer understanding in a far better way than all the wisdom of the world could teach us.

Someone said that people don't care what you know till they know how much you care about them. The foundation has to be love. Sometimes it's mixing hard truth with love, but always love. Do everything with love.

By-products of love include redemption, and healing. Love heals trauma. Medicine can't touch a heart, but love can.

We can't love on our own. But if we build our lives on the greatest commandment of loving God first, and then our neighbors, we will have the strength to be what God wants us to be.