Dream Again

50 hours of non mentally capturing work has a way of making visionaries think outside the box. In the space of dust is the perfect place to imagine 6 impossible things before breakfast, especially when you start early.

So why not dream a bit...
What a property could become and the businesses could be...
Who people in dark and dangerous places could become... and how we could potentially help them.
What we want our legacy to be...
The multiple types of work we'd love to do like florist, author, painter, chef, world changer, social enterprising, travel blogger, pilot, designer, and the list could go on...
The things we'd still love to see and do...
How could we bless the people around us, and how can we speak words of life to them?

I watch people around me and wonder if they still hold a dream in their heart. If they have become jaded and quit dreaming. If life has handed too many lemons to feel like trying to squeeze something delicious out of it, or if buried deep inside is still that one thing they want to do.

I get it. Smashed dreams. Brokenness. Raw. But my friends, that is not where it stops.

I've heard so many quotes like "If you find yourself in a bad chapter, it's not the end of the story."
Last year's birthday gift from God was a divinely appointed coffee appointment with someone who has seen really amazing things come on the heels of bad circumstances.
An older lady shared about a dramatic time in her life of losses and gains.
Isaiah 62 talks about how God pursues us till His righteousness reflects back to Him from us. It's His love that takes all kinds of things that we don't like and uses them to show us how much He cares.

Psalm 105 talks about Joseph and how he was tested till his dream came to pass. I heard a sermon recently about how the Bible says during each difficult part of this patriarch's life that "...God was with him." Joseph has become one of my heroes that God keeps bringing back to encourage me. Recently, I found notes from an old Bible School class entitled "Joseph." One of my most favorite Sight and Sound plays is the one about Joseph. I shared his story with a friend going through a difficult time along with the rest of his ethnic group in Asia. I'm sure he felt his story was hard, that it wasn't anything fantastic or special, and yet here I am, thousands of years later, still contemplating his faithfulness, courage, and trust as I process my own dreams that haven't yet come to pass.

So if you find yourself in the middle of hard circumstances and the road is all uphill, rest, but don't quit. As some might say, "It ain't over till the fat lady sings."

There are better things to come.
Instead of turning to building relationship safety features and security so deep that most people have no idea what is happening inside anymore, dream.

So go ahead and dream of the impossible, hard things working out.
That work turning out far beyond your dreams...
That relationship becoming way better then you ever could imagine...
That desire being fulfilled in ways beyond your current comprehension...

Dream, not because the circumstances seem to indicate hope, but because you trust in the One who is in the business of redemption and hope.

Dare to go even farther and dream of crushed hope being rebuilt...
Of smashed dreams being resurrected in something far more fabulous...
Of broken things being turned into beautiful pieces of divine art...

Base your hope and trust on Him, nothing else... commit it to Him and He will bring it to pass, in His time, for your good.

New

It's been ages since I've written anything on here, and many of things that have stirred in the silence aren't pieces that go on a public blog. But as I reflect and process on the years since the last blog I published, I'm stirred to inspire and encourage others to stay engaged in the rough journey they may be in.

Isaiah 62 talks about the Lover of our souls pursuing us until He sees His own reflection in us. He won't stop there, but will continue till it's obvious to all the people around us. That is the story of the past years. He hasn't stopped dropping relentless drama, and things that were way beyond me into my life. No, He kept it all stirring, rotating, and rubbing raw till it caught my attention. It's only now that I'm starting to see that He was pursuing me out of love. Deep Love. And He's not finished.

He's not scared of going to deep, dark places to help us find light. I could list people that I'm sure wouldn't go there, or who I wouldn't feel safe to go there with, but He's not one of them. He cuts to the core, and He heals at the core. He remembers things I've almost forgotten that left their mark on who I am today, and brings them back to the surface for healing. It's freeing.

He knows the lack of sleep that has been my reality for the past years. He knows how dark my thoughts can get before sunrise comes. He also knows that He can wake me up to pour love and energy into me so I can carry on, after days when I was convinced I'd hit the end of the end walls. He alone knows how many times He's met me in those pre-dawn moments that have formed our relationship into taking new directions.

The places we've gone, the memories of the soul that my Lover and I have... He made sure the electric was out on the night by the ocean so I'd see the stars like I haven't in years. He was there in the archaic, world history sites as I plodded through difficult emotions. He was there when I climbed my way through a rolling refugee camp that was beyond what I could emotionally comprehend. He was there when I saw so many different scenes that have grafted themselves into the fabric of who I am, and He's helping me see them like He does.

He knows it all, and yet He tells me He's not done. My story isn't over. I'm starting to see a little bit more Jesus in me, but He's not finished till my whole world can see Him in me. There is something far greater then I can imagine that He still wants to do. It's not the end, but the beginning.

I'm excited to see what He's going to do.

Quaint Town Wanderings

She worked calmly, placing each fragile piece in its place. Each chocolate covered piece was a work of art. Something in my soul could have watched that process for hours and reflect on how chocolate crafting could apply to real life.


There is some sense and order to even the broke shards and finely crushed sprinkles scattered on top.
There is something sweet that comes through being melted and processed.
There is beauty that arises to meet our eyes as we behold the finished product.
There is an intimate connection between the creator and the created.


Hurry isn't part of the process.
Soft, gentle caressing and time are key elements that lead to success.


There are some similarities between chocolate and people, aren't there?
Most of us don't cope well with Mount Saint Helen's speed of change.
Most of us respond well to gentle soul steering and lots of patience.
There is something intimate about being under the hand of a shaping God.
We hope there is some sense and use for the broken shards, the ugly pieces.


Another thread wove itself into my mind as I reflected on the surroundings of the shop. The exquisite offerings, the extravagant collections, the expensive price tags juxtaposed themselves against the recent conversations about Poverty, Malnourishment, Aids, and other forms of brokenness. Tears welled up as I remember those who aren't fortunate enough to have a Master chef with a chocolate buffet in their region. They are too poor to even know about such delicacies, much less afford them. A wide range of feelings rose up as I contemplated the other people who were milling around in the store. A sense of pity rises that they haven't had the chances to see cast-off lepers under a bridge, refugees whose dreams and wishes have been washed away, little children living in a garbage dump, or experienced playing soccer with the street children. A wave of anger rises as I realize some of them don't care.


You can walk away... until the broken have a name, and have captivated your heart.
You can smile, buy another coffee, and chatter away politely and pretend this disparity doesn't impact you deeply.
Or you can smile through tears as you recognize and embrace this clashing story line of life. 


This conflicting reality of life stirs deeply. As we reflect on it, we journey {struggle, wrestle, plod, grapple} through the facts. Conflict is a good thing when we can see it as a catalyst to change. Iron sharpens iron. Without intense pain, diamonds and so much beauty wouldn't exist.


God has such an amazing way of bringing redemption by conflict. Sometimes it sets the stage for His amazing gift of grace. Sometimes it heals right in the middle of the wounding. Sometimes the struggle just brings a sense of knowing He is with us. Regardless of how it happens, we are shown more of His glory.

Devotion

They've always said 'You should have your devotions...' Others say you need to read the Book through every year {implying you're never going to reach their level of holiness till you do}


Well folks, after a lot of wrestlings and [rebellings], all the while knowing there was SOMETHING ESSENTIAL in all this daily reading and prayer, I've come to some new conclusions. (I did keep reading through all this, in case you're wondering)


I've always missed the underlying message about how much power there is in daily connection when Discipline in doing it every day was overemphasized. When I spend time in His presence there is something that empowers, that refreshes, that transforms even my countenance--- sometimes to the point that a Buddhist monk asked if I have a boyfriend! :) I have something to offer after this, instead of running on empty. While I knew those transformational moments were impacting, I never made the connection that the focus is more on this than on the discipline. Am I the only one who missed it?


Devotion in its full meaning of loving someone enough to spend time with them is often forgotten when we talk about having daily devotions. It changes what that time looks like, when it's more about being with Someone we love.


In all those wrestling moments previously mentioned, I also came into close proximity with my own depravity. My own needy, broken, ugly ways of coping weren't cutting it. And they weren't pretty to look at. But it brought me to the realization of how much I need Him. If I'm going to do more then survive in this broken world, my thriving is dependent on Jesus alone. There is a connection between how much time I spend with God and how I relate to life. This is the all-essential reason we meet with God daily.


When we consistently have those empowering moments, we can connect with others and give in extraordinary ways. As we allow God to make us aware of our own heart and renews it, we can help create a safe place for others to share their heart. We can stimulate them toward their own personal renewal as we share together about our spiritual journeys.


Keep wrestling!

Fix it shops

It's been a while since I've blogged... maybe partly because I'm moving across time zones after a little while, and it's taken my blogging in a different direction as well as I prepare for the move.


Back when I lived in Mae Sot, I had a flat tire. Common occurrence for cyclists living in Asia. But this particular time, I had to push it a mile to a repair shop. I realized it was something I could do, after I had to.


Over the last 6 months or so, I've been on a journey. I've been processing a lot of personal and cultural things, like how Mennonites do different stuff. I've started noticing a few trends... we tend to like our lives under control, in fine condition {How are you? I'm fine.} and enjoy the feeling of having arrived. I've had some good input to help me come to my conclusions, which you may or may not agree with.


You see, I think we sorta like fix it shops... repair shops, cycle tire shop, you call it out for what it is.. we gravitate to conferences, conventions and meetings where we get a quick fix for ourselves to get the feeling of having arrived at our destination. We'll even push our 'bike' a mile if that is what it takes to learn how to renounce a lie, or pray just the right prayer or deal with our pain just the right way. I've been there, done that... and the tire just sort of gets a screw instead of nail so we have to find a new shop to repair it so the tire lasts a little longer. They talk about reinventing the wheel... umm, yeah, that too.


The last while, I've been reading my Bible a little differently. The story of the Bible isn't about repairs, it's about relationships. God heals, God restores and redeems, but it's always to continued relationships. The focus isn't on the tools, on the method or on the issue, it's on God.


We weren't born with anything in our hand when we came to the world, and we don't die with anything tangible to take with us. Yet so often we live like the tools, the method and the way we handle everything decides whether we are ok or not. It gets exhausting after a while to find the right fix to meet everyone's expectations, qualifications and commendation. Too often we've forgotten that relationship with God and what He says is what matters.


I'm all for learning, studying and developing, don't get me wrong. But examining our motives shows who we're doing it for.


Problems are a window through which we find God. We don't have to run from the window because the boogey man is staring in, or grab our toolbox. God has it under much better control then we could ever have.
We can be confident that He who hath begun a good work in you, will perform it according to Philippians 1:6


Our journey doesn't achieve 'arrival' status till we get to Heaven. Jesus said He would be with us always. He also said, "Come unto me all ye who are weary, and I will give you rest" and "Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


In Peter, it talks about casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. All the bags that life has given you come by because of sin, but Someone is willing to help carry and sort through those things.
You don't have to push that bike to the repair shop, He can come and meet you right where you are. And He may just give you a new tire, instead of a patch.


He told the Samaritan woman that if she drank His water, she wouldn't thirst again. We can come up with our patches, our fixes that are temporary, or we can come to Him.


You might bring up one of the stories of the people who had a problem so that God could be gloried, or how Paul had a thorn that wasn't taken away. That might be His providential answer in your best interest, but if so, you can count on His sufficient grace.


There are no formulas, no special tricks, just a daily walk with God. (and a few other brave hearted individuals)

From the Cosmetic Aisle

Arbonne. Avon. Beauti Control. Estee Lauder. Mary Kay. Natural DIY recipes. The brands go on and on. Every year we hear about a new treatment plan that is out of this world and works miracles. Women buy a new line in hopes of refreshed facial beauty. Our mothers will look young like us daughters. {yeah, right, mom} Glowing, unflawed and healthy skin touched by a kiss of foundation, blush, mascara and lipstick are what we're told makes a women stunningly gorgeous and completely captivating. A male colleague of mine back in America jokingly affirmed this one day when he told me all I need is a little make-up. “Thanks sir, for that vote of confidence.”

A famous cosmetologist once said, “The most beautiful thing a woman can have is her passion but makeup is an excellent substitute.” So why do many women settle for a substitute? Maybe because her passion has been wounded, disclaimed or discarded. They have learned their beautiful passion should be controlled.

Recently I heard a godly man speak into all this. In a nutshell, he said one word for women before the fall in the garden was beauty. And one word for women after the garden was control. He encouraged us to live out of beauty which is our original purpose instead of out of control. If we would put all the energy we put into controlling our lives into creating beauty, life would be much more meaningful and well, beautiful. I loved the idea.

If we live out of beauty, we may very possibly be hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. Girls destroy perfect roses by playing 'He loves me, he loves me not...' Little boys in school make cruel and life impacting comments. Our families impact into our beauty/control worldviews in immeasurable ways. Every woman has her story, but she is invited by God in another scene of healing.

Beauty has often been trampled and beaten down but it's essence can't be squelched and it's impact can't be stopped.

Beauty stands out starkly in harsh realities.

God restores beauty, never control.

Looking at some of the world's historic wars and what was really at stake; a king was enamored with a drop dead gorgeous queen or princess from a far away land and he was determined to have her.

Yes, Beauty is possibly the most powerful thing in this life.

Beauty is always an essence in every circumstance. Control is fleeting.

Beauty always reaches out and reconciles relationships only to become more beautiful. Control dominates relationships, only to lose them.

Beauty merits honor. Control brings shame.

Beauty isn't lonely. Control acts like it isn't.

Beauty has an alluring mystery. Controls tries to be mysterious and fails.

Beauty is really stronger then control.

As I was reflecting on all this, I remembered that I had become a Beauti Control consultant as a result of a party last year. Being a good Mennonite, I wanted the discounts and benefits of consultant status to justify the price tag. Then recently, I was thinking of ways to make some money when I returned home. Beauti Control had crossed my mind. I'd been picturing my sales pitch being something like: “I'm trying to make the lives of women in Asia more beautiful, etc... etc...”

Now there was a new sales pitch that goes more like this, “Ladies, there is a lesson from a long time ago that we all need to learn... we were made for beauty and not to control... so as you apply your daily facial routine, remind yourselves what you were created for... and live out of beauty instead of control.”

I don't know about you but I could get passionate about selling the message of 'beauty instead of control.' Now that's a message of fabulously breath taking, beautiful hope worth talking about. I'll still be sharing the message whether I decide to sell the products or not. The message proclaiming "Beauti instead of Control."

Raw Emotion

It feels like a while since this blog has contained some raw footage. Raw exposure to my environment. Raw- unedited. Raw-natural, unrefined, untouched-virtually beautifully pure. Raw-no moral of the story applied. Raw-no life lesson gleaned. Just plain, word pictures of what my eyes have encountered in the eyes of those I've met. Eyes of the orphans. Eyes of the beggars. Eyes of the stressed workers. Eyes of people I haven't seen for a while and reveling in their presence. Eyes of people who know no hope. Eyes of people who have sought but haven't found, and gave up. The cry for love and grace is everywhere. Sometimes it rises to the surface. Sometimes it's buried beneath layers and requires shoveling.

When we meet the raw, we make choices. What will I do with this? Am I willing to feel what they are feeling? Or will I choose to walk away and refuse to offer? Am I going to say this is just how life is and stay out of it or am I willing to get messy?

For the long term, what should my involvement be? What is going to help them and not hurt them more?

In the meantime as I'm contemplating all this, 2 different people pass away back in America. 2 different families are grieving the sudden loss of a parent this week. The children of both are people I've either studied with or worked with for a longer period of time. And I can't really understand how they feel right now or what their description of raw would look like. There aren't any answers. And all this has added a whole new thread to my thoughts on raw reality.

This thread adds an urgency to make the most of life. To love well. To be wise about how I use my resources. To reach out and touch those around me who are seeking for love. To be intentional in loving my family from long distance. To not allow the woes of the world to keep me from friending the people in it. To not allow small annoyances and raw issues to become so Big...

Each of us is an uncompleted story. The raw fibers are still be woven and none of us know exactly what the end result is going to be. None of us know what today's pain will weave into our journal. None of us completely can grasp the raw character of another person. None of us choose the pain, the joy, or the circumstances we experience in life. And that pretty much levels the playing field of life.

So why not enjoy each "raw" individual for who they are? Why not just freely love when the other option is? Why not cut ourselves and others some slack and grant grace where it isn't merited?

Today I choose to believe there is beauty in the raw... I choose to believe that God knows what He is making... and I choose to accept that life will always have pain. I choose to allow God to use the messy things in life to make me a better person. And yes, there's a part of me that screaming, "NOOO! don't say that!" I accept the fact that I'm still raw, unfinished, and unrefined. And I accept the truth that God won't leave me in my natural state. I also accept the truth that God will use me to make a difference even while I'm 'undone.'