Radical Questions

Are you willing to pray for whatever it takes to get you on fire for God?
Are you willing to create a desert or wilderness so you know God better?
Are you willing to see aloneness as a gift, instead of loneliness as a wound?
Are you going to ask for a deeper encounter with God that transforms everything?
Are you willing to go anywhere you might be asked to go?
Are you going to chose to be thankful for the hard pieces?
Whatever your questions are, are you willing to wrestle well with them?
Are you going to allow the soul searching, tectonic plate shifting that may cause earth shaking things to happen in your life?

There is a deep sigh, a breath of anxiety, that comes when we think about asking hard questions. But we are told over and over to not be afraid in Scripture. We are more than conquerors. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. When God takes something, or empties us, He always eventually replaces it with a far better gift. Don’t be afraid!

If we dare listen to God, there is often a fear we have to bridge. Or trusting Him might feel like completely setting up for failure, and it would be an impending reality if He didn’t show up. What would Elijah have done if God didn’t act when he was building altars and discussing truth with false prophets? What would Daniel and his friends have done if they would have burned in the fire? What would Noah have done if he died before a flood came? Think about almost any Biblical story, and they had faith required of them that was beyond what they seemed to have. It was beyond them, but they judged God to be faithful who had given them a promise. Perhaps the hardest question is asking if I am going to judge God as faithful?

It seems that if we want radical answers, we first must ask, seek and knock. We are called out onto precarious limbs, dangling in very uncomfortable spaces, and then when faith feels almost hopeless, the Divine answers.

Maybe we think we should have all the answers by now. We had more solutions back in our young and foolish days than we currently possess. But is it about having answers or knowing the One who has all the answers? Even as we ask the questions, we can rest in this. God has this. In Psalms 33, He says His plan is going to happen, and He will frustrate human plans.

3 Goals for the journey:
In our wrestling, striving for surrender.
Letting it rest in His hands.
Be committed to whatever the outcome.

Even when the waiting feels like forever, it's just a sign that something amazing is going to happen. God likes climaxing it as much as possible. I get weak knees at the adrenaline rush it requires to glorify Him, and yet my heart jumps up and down, begging Him to do it again.

If you end up in Africa, or Antarctica because that is His will, it's going to be an amazing adventure. God is the only limit, and those who have seen any part of Him, say that He is unlike anything seen before.

Wild rides aren't wasted on God's time. He teaches us more about Himself and our own hearts in the process of arriving at a destination than anywhere else.

In the quietness of waiting, signs are there that God is there. That Providence was working all along. A book confirms others have experiences just like yours. The lights are all green one morning to show God’s smile that someday, there will be no stopping. It may be a verse or a song that pops in your head. A sermon ironically becomes a confirmation to the wrestling of a Saturday, time and again. Sometimes, it's a desired answer, and sometimes it's a convicting lightbulb, but if you watch for it you'll find it.

Regardless of what your questions are, if you seek Him with all of your heart, He will answer. Maybe not the way you thought, but He will answer. “He is not safe, but He is good.” C.S. Lewis

God Sees

I’m so thankful that God sees. Recently as I contemplated this, a lot of scenes flashed in front of my mind, and I realized God saw all those with me, as well as all the rest of each of those lives, and all the moments of billions of people’s lives simultaneously.

He saw the day I was followed by secret police before I knew about it. He also sees everything else that spies all across the world see.
He saw the old couple from somewhere deep in the forest who were on my flight, and had rarely seen civilization.
He saw and heard the groans of a wounded man who was picked up in a remote town and then transported on my flight to the big city.
He saw the lepers in India. He also saw the day Christians jokingly sang a song about a leprosy colony.
He sees stone quarries, and the brick making yards where people are enslaved in India.
He not only saw the road to the Taliban camp, He saw their souls.
He sees my Hindu train friends, and the day we ate lunch together.
He saw the crazy lady who rode the train with a stick in her mouth like a dog. And sees all the other mentally challenged people at the same time.
He sees the beggars, the bird lady and her children.
He sees the kids who run the tea shops... the mohingya shops, and wherever else they are working, when they should be getting an education.
He sees the refugee camps scattered across the world and the 60 plus millions who are displaced around the world.
He sees all the buses that go flying around corners with people crammed in every possible way, barely having enough air to breathe. He knows where the drunk man who tried to pay for his ride with a fish is even right now.
He sees the red light districts, and all the sickening stuff that goes on.
He sees genocides all over the world. Brutal raping, killing, burning babies alive...
He sees those who have seen these things come back home where people are callous, and even call foreigners names.
He sees kids and cultures that try to hockey for a place in this world by put downs, and cursing.
God sees each minute of our lives, and the lives of the billions. He knows the end of the story before the beginning happens.

He is a God of Love. He is capable of feeling all of the pain in the world. He can't build a protective wall, or shut down because He had too much. He is pure Love. Love that overcomes all barriers.

When Jesus died on the Cross for all of this, is it any wonder the sky turned dark? The auguish of it all was simply too much. But even all the sin of the world couldn't keep Him buried. He rose again.

In the end, it's Love, not hate or the fear behind hatred that is stronger. Love will win. At the end of time, every knee will bow and agree. Until then, let's be compassionate, transforming Love to the world.

Radiant Feminity

Ancient Jewish tradition has it that only women can light the candles at the Passover. Interesting to think about in the context of the Light of the World coming through a woman. The traditional illustrations of Passover offered food for thought at a recent communion service.

We talk about radiant brides, but I don't remember ever hearing about the groom or any other male being described as glowing. Tell me if you have.

It seems like the role of women isn't in drawing the outlines of pictures, but in shading in colors in an existing framework. We were designed to light the candles, but leave the crafting in metaphor terms to God and the men. We leave the creation of a masterpiece in God’s hands, yet we are the best shade of our personalities that we can be. We are the colors, the spark, the life givers, the nurturing hand in relationships, seed sprouting green thumbs. We are to help others see the Light, and bring redemption, transformation, and hope to the world in our feminine ways.

I know, Proverbs 31 made candles, but the efficiency of the perfect woman isn't my point. She spent every bit of her time to bring life to those around her in any possible way she could. She worked within her realm, to the fullest of her potential and abilities. Her husband was known in the gates, so I doubt he was passive and allowed her rule the roost when he was a perfectly capable and loving leader. We don’t need to focus on being perfect, but on doing what is in our power to improve the world for those around us.

Sometimes we think we know what the picture should look like, and we either color outside the lines, or add details we were not supposed to. It's then that we lose our luster as we attempt to take control of our world. Control has never once gotten us what we want, so why do we try to manage our little lives instead of trusting? And control dims the light within.

Other times, we may get bogged down and burdened. It’s time for rest in His presence, or even more life will drain from us. Too often we allow distractions even in the form of good things to keep us from really connecting to the Source. If we are going to meet the many needs, we need to also fill up our own cup so we have something to give.

We need to continually connect to the Light Source to keep the glow alive. I need the reminder as much as anyone. Jesus said we need to “abide.” Are we holding an open hand, heart or cup towards Him to receive? Sometimes we think our earthly relationships lack, or the less than what we need part enters into our relationship with God, and we allow a wall to form that keeps us from really receiving. Regardless of what we have experienced, God by nature is Love and He literally died to show us His love.

I have been contemplating on the idea of living from our hearts, instead of by a set of rules. At some point it breaks down, but when we do relationships by the cultural rules, when our hearts feel like doing a different thing. I think the spark returns when we live from our hearts. When we try to apply math strategies to make life work, there is an internal death of sorts that happens. We don’t bring the joy, radiance or life we were meant to offer.

I have mentioned some of the barriers like control, etc... that create resistance to the power free flowing into our lightbulb. We need to remove anything that distracts, and focus on allowing the light to radiate in our lives. Take an honest inventory of what is in your heart. Nothing is worth losing your radiance for.

Just as Mary brought the Light into the world, so we as women also have a special ability to bring light and life to the world. We may not completely understand it, or consciously bring it, but the aura we have around us is clear to those around us. Let’s remove the barriers that keep the light from radiating the way it wants to.

God has a specific way for each of us to light up some part of the world for His glory. Go be that chandelier, candle, or lantern in your own uniquely created way!

Grounded

"That you being rooted and grounded in love..." Ephesians 3:17
"More than Conquerors through Him that loved us..." Romans 8:37
"Live Loved." Lysa TerKeurst

When you join a prayer mentor group, you start thinking about prayer a lot more for some reason! ;) Anyway, in the midst of Henri Noewen thoughts on prayer, I'm inspired, challenged and blessed with the idea of centering my whole life on His Love and to live like a beloved daughter of His, instead of grasping for love in lesser things. What does it look like to pray as the Beloved?

Sometimes it feels like He is far away and uninvolved, but even in the midst of the hard, I sense that He was there all along.

Maybe you identify more with pulverized pulp as your heart like I have already, or even started understanding the kids that can't pay attention when you feel your brain going on a mental ADHD strike because there are so many stressors that you can't figure out which one to figure out first. Fortunately, I had the capability to control my external actions enough most people didn't catch on. The poor kids don't have enough mature restraint to keep it under control. And thank God, it didn't last. The aftermath of the "Flood" paired with a volcano, windstorm, and a backhanded slap can cause drastic inner turmoil. Still some of us think it's just life and we need to just take it in stride. We guilt trip ourselves for not taking it all better. Seriously. I hope you have someone who tells you that you have a lot of things to grieve and that it's ok to cry. You aren't crazy. In the midst of all the messy, I didn't see His hands moving. Didn't feel the transformation. And yet, I look back and say during the whole destruction process, an amazing amount of healing happened. I know, it's a paradox, but that's God. He uses messy to make beautiful. He isn't scared, surprised or confused by anything, and in fact, He uses broken crayons to color fabulous pictures.

In the restructuring, I hope that I can stay abiding in His love. Grounded in Love. And I hope that you are able to do the same. So how do we lean into this new mindset more? How do we lean into relationships from a place of being loved? How do we lean into God and pray from a place of knowing we are deeply loved?

It's not the absence of trouble that we find God, and grow exponentially. It's in the storms we find our anchor. It's not found in calm waters, so don't flee to the safe harbors. Stay in it. Feel the loneliness, and all the rest of the hard stuff. It's all these things that pierces us to the point of turning towards Him.

Rest. It's an invitation to come and hear from Him.

Meditate on Scripture, instead of letting our minds run wild. I was gifted a beautifully scripted set of verses, and setting those around my house has given me food for thought.

Community. If you have been through enough, it's enough. Take a break, but don't become a hermit.:) I value friendships more then ever. There's a few people who are worth staying up till after midnight to talk with. :)

"Hope anchors the soul." Hebrews 6:19 I'm still contemplating the different ways that Hope enters in, but I know we need it on the darkest days. We will eventually be free on the other side of life, if peace doesn't come before that.

If we are going to weather all the storms that life brings our way, and keep ourselves going, we may have to take a moment to recover, but we are going to have to go deeper and deeper with Him. We need to be Rooted. Grounded. Deeply in Love.

I fully expect to one day look back at all these dramas and think that was nothing compared to what I'm facing then. And whatever those future things are, I believe that I'll get through because God will still be walking with me. And I hope that I'll shake less, trust more, and continue in confidence because He is faithful. I wish the same for all the rest of you sojourners. Till then, let's go deeper!

Locked Out

The door banged shut, and instantly I knew. I had locked myself out of my own house, with my keys and phone still inside, and my car safely parked in the locked garage. All I had was myself. The guys a 6 minute drive away have a key to the house. Soo... Do I attempt to walk through the "hood" between me and them, and how long will that take, "break in" a window, or should I humbly ask a neighbor if I can borrow their phone, holding my breath as I dial, hoping I remember a phone number correctly??? Long story short, I connected with my neighbors in good ways, and 2 hours later, I was in my home again when one of the guys graciously brought the key over.

You see, life feels like that sometimes. Locked out. Some of it is the fact that living overseas changes you, re-entry is tough, and finding a new normal while processing a very colorful experience abroad is not for the faint of heart. Some of it is that I live in a new community, and building friendships doesn't get easier as we get older. And I am single, with no housemates. Few people understand what I consider my daily grind or the years abroad by personal experience. I get tired of explaining. All I want is eyes that know before I blurt out words. Rare indeed, especially outside of co-workers.

1:48 am is never a good time to wake up. Maybe it's different for you, but a steady stream of negative thoughts are basically all that come at this dark hour. An hour of this flooding is what makes me not want to wake up in the morning again. During the day, it's usually much easier to have positive thoughts.

6 am sets off the alarm. I wake up from a weird dream, and feel like I should read Joshua 4. Ok, am I hearing right? I get there, and it's about the children of Israel crossing Jordan and building a memorial. Oh yeah, this is for me. It's a moment of hope to what feels impossible. Maybe last night's lockout is not the story of my life.

I get to school for what I know will be an abnormal day. What I didn't know is that the unusual schedule would allow me to connect with a colleague who has lived abroad as well. Our re-entry experience is similar. Maybe I'm not locked out of life after all. Somebody else gets the hard part of re-entry!!!! As the day continues, more people text than normal, and my coworker wants to come over and learn how to cook American style. I guess I am not locked out anymore.

Since I could only blame myself for locking the door out of habit, I also thought about the struggle of feeling like something is infinitely wrong with me. I could rattle off the list of faults, just like you might have yours...

Grace offers space for the list. I can come "inside" the house even in spite of... and you can, too. Maybe most people never will understand, but God does. And He arranges circumstances to speak deeply to our hearts.

So for the one person out there who intuitively "gets it by experience," this is for you. I hope you are blessed and encouraged to not give up. It feels vulnerable to share, but you, whoever you are, be blessed. I'm down with a splitting headache, but couldn't rest till I wrote this out for you.

You belong. You're not locked out, or less deserving of the good things. There is room for you. You don't need to stay guarded for the rest of time. You will one day again be a little more sociable and able to give to the world. You have walked through things and survived stuff that most people in our Western world probably will never comprehend that were good life lessons. There may not be many who "get it" but we know that we wouldn't trade the experiences we had for all the extra cash in their pockets. The "hellish" pieces even made or are making you a better person, and you don't want to give that up for anything this petty culture and all its 1st world problems have to offer. Don't give up!

What are You Grooming For?

They say most girls that are trafficked, were groomed first. Potentially even before they were sweet talked into it, they were molested or abused.

Whether we realize it or not, culture also typically grooms us (usually in a good way) for cultural expectations. I don't know what your exact culture prepared you for, but there are likely certain physique, personality, skills, education, relationship, and hobby requirements that they are trying to guide you into and shape you into their mold.

Some of us have even tried to steer ourselves into fitting the mold. Maybe because we didn't believe in ourselves being ok just the way we are. Maybe cause we didn't have the moral support to be who we were made to be.

As life continues, I hear from others that the life they have, isn't the one they expected. I never dreamed at 15, that I'd be living the life I live. I think God does it to us so we are more dependent on Him.

So how do we prepare for the life we are made for and called to, instead of going with the cultural mold? How should we "groom" ourselves and the generations coming after us? I hope we can move in the direction of pushing ourselves to become more like Jesus, and what He wants for our lives corporately as cultures, and personally.

Some grooming tools that push us more towards Him include:

Worship. Knowing the sovereignty of God, and honoring Him, places Him on His rightful throne. When we have that down, we automatically have a spirit of worship and awe. As we see the Potter's hands on our lives, we can be more accepting of His unique plans for us.

Surrender. Let God drive. Stop yourself like I recently when I was praying. Instead of praying that God would help me to do xyz, I want to pray that God's will is done through me with or without my help. It's not my life, but His.

Praise. It messes up the enemy, and allows God to flow more freely. And doesn't God get more glory and honor from our lives when we fill our unique niches? Praise flows easiest from humans when they are in their "glory." Doesn't mean we go for what is the easiest for us, but on the days I feel like "this is what I was born for," I live with a spirit of praise. Another form of praise is complimenting others when they fill their niche.

Encouragement. Everyone needs a champion who cheerleads and believes in them. Some of us get that person, others of us don't. This aspect of my job is my favorite. I love rooting for my kids. Believing in them, loving on them, taking a minute here or there to encourage. Encouraging is fun. I'm not sure why more people don't join the party???!!

Abiding. If we are going to do the things that God wants us to do, we are going to need His energy, His grace, and His love. And sometimes, just a quiet moment with Him to recharge. Stick close.

If you have more tools, comment. Let's join together to be the best cups/vessels/serving platters/chandeliers/whatever you picture yourselves as, and bless each one in their unique story, that most likely will be very different then the one you dreamed about as a young teenager.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future, says the Lord. It may not be your dreams, but it will be good.