Sodom

“You're the God of this City” was written by Chris Tomlin for Pattaya, Thailand. A modern day Sodom where 20,000 women sell their bodies on the average night. A vacation spot for the US navy touring Asia. God is still God in a nefarious place like that. Evil surroundings don't change who He is.

I will always remember meeting a returned Navy fighter with his innocent significant other. He and I shared a lot of unspoken words with our eyes as we acknowledged we “know” Pattaya, and she innocently smiled and stood by. The irony of her innocence and his knowledge stirred in the pit of my stomach along with deeply disturbing flashback I'd had that morning, as I observed a lot of Christian and even Mennonite people enjoying a parade.

So often the church is checked out, while evil is raging wild in “Sodoms” near or far. We can choose to live in the country, and live in a bubble that feels secure. A bubble can make it easy to forget that there is a spiritual battle going on.

While listening to a sermon on Lot and Abraham, the mention of Sodom kept taking me back to a certain street where I have a lot of memories, and lot invested. They say there are drugs being sold in broad daylight now, and that it becomes a red light district on Saturday nights. I have friends who moved off this street because there was drinking going every night outside their apartment all night long, and the poor 'fresh off the boat' mama was rightly freaked out with her brood as her husband went to work 3rd shift. My Sodom has a bunch of innocent children, who granted the right environment, could be just as well behaved and angelic as the best. They tell me stories about Daddy gambling, affairs between another girl's mom and 'my' girl's dad or that they saw the murdered man, “and blood was coming out.” They know about drugs and things more then most adults do. I could write volumes of stories from this block. I understand why it would be hard for Lot to leave because there are friends caught in the middle of the mess, and we don't want to leave them behind. God is the God of this city and street as well. I am reminded to not tell my God how bad my Sodom is, but to tell Sodom how big my God is.

Abraham interceded for Sodom, and while he probably never knew what the outcome of his prayers was, angels did show up to help Lot get away. We may never know how our prayers made a difference, and most of the time, it probably feels like it doesn't, but that isn't truth. Even Lot's prayers and his distraught feelings about what he saw going on around him in Sodom made a difference. All prayers make a difference, and I am challenged to pray more for the messes I know.

As the end of the world comes, Sodom will multiply and you might find yourself living closer to it then you ever dreamed possible. Don't let it scare you, or scar you. Lift your eyes up, and in faith, believe like Abraham. God will rescue you just like Peter says about righteous Lot. We don't often think of Lot as a good guy, but did you catch that he is called righteous Lot? God allows the almost scandalous in. If people look at you like you are loose cannon, God just might be calling you righteous.

For those of you who like your "safe" bubble, I like living on the edge of Sodom for one reason. It keeps me well aware there is a battle going on, and it keeps me on my toes. I seek His face more because the people of 'my' Sodom and I NEED Him. Sometimes the drama of Sodom is too much, and I like to go to the green spaces outside the city, but if I didn't have a sea of multi ethnic faces with desperate stories as a regular part of my life, where would I be? 

Instead of being on defense only, why not go on offense and join us on the edge? We live on the fringe, for sanity's sake. If you want to jump all in, we can tell you where to buy a house.

After all, God's the God of it all. This city. This street. These people. And He is greater then all the volumes of horrific epistles that could be written. How big is your God in your mind? 

Like C.S. Lewis once said, "He is not safe. But He is good." As one of my favorite teachers says, "We don't go because it's safe. We go because we're called." And one last quote to clinch the argument is that the "safest place to be is in the center of God's will." 

Go touch your world, because you judged Him to be greater then anything that evil could create havoc with.

Fear or Pleasure

How do you view the will of God for the future?
Is it something to be feared and dreaded?
Is it a heavy burden to bear?
Is it exciting, joyous and a delight to look forward to?
Do you dream in real time about brilliant ideas or does life look like a lot of plodding?

I will stop asking questions, but I'm wondering if our general attitude towards life isn't biased by the way we look at His will. I don't think His plans are for it to be either all joyous or all difficult. But we sometimes long for pleasures forever more, and set out looking for happiness, when the things that make us more holy is what He is designing.

In the fray between our expectations and our reality, we struggle with truth. Lies don’t blatantly enter. Subtle back door entrances are the normal break-in method. While we are focused on complicated circumstances, in slips an unwanted visitor or two. This is why we should talk about the hard, stressing, or even traumatizing pieces of life. If you think about it, a lot of things happen simultaneously and keep you preoccupied so you don’t notice little shifts happening. I look back at a recent season, (several of them really) and shake my head at what can happen in the space of two months.

After walking through Intense for most of the past almost decade, and finally smelling the singe of burnout in my nostrils, I have to come to grips with the fact that I hardly believe God has good plans to give me a hope and a future. Maybe you are with me. Believing lies drags us down. There's a desperation to get over it really, like lungs grasping. Desolation sometimes sets the table for a perspective shift.

In the space of shifting table settings from a dark one, to a more reasonable perspective, God comes and sits. He offers presence. He offers love and grace. He pauses. We often are so focused on the next steps that we miss the moment. He on the other hand, savors having us at the table. He offers food to Elijah in 1Kings 19, cause He knew that the journey would be too much for him. Elijah goes on that strength for a long time. It's worth stopping to take a moment in His presence, especially if He wants to offer sustaining food. Stop and savor. Dig deep and enjoy. Let the moment become profound.

I will give a shameless plug for Life Ministries core 1&2 program. From them, I learned that we don’t just try to change the surface, but we dig down and find the belief: truth or lie behind the behavior. That’s why questions are a good thing. What do you really believe? If we change our beliefs, we change our actions because according to what is in our heart and mind, we act. I know my burnout has it’s basis not so much in my circumstances, but in what I think and feel about them. I will not allow myself to quit digging.

You may have something very different on the surface that you face, and you may not be shifting scenes from Asia to the USA, or back, but that doesn’t change the foundation beliefs form in your life. Typically, there are several general underlying themes that are common to all humans. I promise I don’t analyze most people or lump people in diagnosis. That doesn’t enter my mind most days cause I have too many exotic dishes on my own plate. Having a curiosity and wanting to grow from life experiences though, I do accept coffee or ice cream  invitations to solve world problems. If you have shameless burnout suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Regardless of your journey, dare to enter into the deep. If you are exhausted with the current responses to your circumstances, look at your beliefs. Does God have good intentions or evil toward you? Only one of these options is true. One of the songs that I listen to over and over talks about “Truth is standing right in front of you... the way, the truth, the life...” If we look for it, and confront what isn’t, we will experience positive changes.

Replace the garbage with truth, and keep going. Don’t get down on yourself, but keep walking in relationship with God. Acknowledge where you went wrong, and then correct it. According to Dr. Seuss the one answer to messy “Oobleck” is simple. Say you’re sorry. Then move on.

American Church

It's 1:58 am, and I wake to the message of a friend who needs medical care, but is denied because Medicaid drama has happened. If you have not dealt with them, you won't understand. It's complicated.

I finally fall asleep again, and then wake up earlier than necessary for a Saturday morning, because drama rolls around in my brain like unstoppable marbles.

Since my carrier was kind enough to give me 2 extra gigs this month, I turn on you tube, and tackle the Saturday tasks. And this comes up, and hits the nail on the head of exactly what I feel in my 2 world life. On one side, I live, work and love on people in a different language, sitting on the floor, and eating with my right hand fingers. This cross cultural has become completely normal, and I am even ok with the spice. On a very different front, not so far away, I go to church with people like me. People who have nice houses and little drama, who sing beautifully, and for the most part, lead good lives.

“It starts right here” by Mark Hall on YouTube talked about how less and less people are wanting to start ministries and more and more just want something to make them happy and entertained. Christians are going from being on the offensive to barely defending themselves in the spiritual battle.

Please listen and be called to more. Not condemned. Just invited to more passion, more life. Be challenged to live on the offense and not on the defense.

Let's back up to last night. God worked repentance in my own life, and then mere hours later, I get hit by a powerful cyclone of lies. They feel extremely believable, even though I know I have a choice in what I believe. I can think of people who I feel safe to reach out to, but they live on the other side of world. If I am really honest, there would be people closer, and my heart doesn't want to pour out.

A huge percentage of the reason I don't want to is because they are not involved in my second world. I am afraid if I say too much about the hard stuff of the broken hood I live in or the way it wears on me, even less people will be brave and courageous enough to enter the fray. It's beyond essential that someone shows up. I have more than what I can do. I don't want pity. I want understanding. People who get it because they are in the trenches, too.

I used to think that not every single body in the hood had a big ugly hard piece they have to live with. There is a family that I was convinced that they don't have abnormal drama. Then I heard their hard truth. And it happens to hit home.

I don't think everyone needs to move to a city, or the other side of the world. I just think we need more people who want to make a difference. People who dream, and reach out, offering hope. People who have enough passion to be on the offense, and not the defense. Individuals who believe God enough to serve Him with their lives as a love gift.

The lethargic mentality mentioned on this clip is what I struggle with. Church used to be for the broken, now it's just for us, too often. I would rather remain silent then sound like a whining prophet. But if we have slid to barely being able to defend ourselves from having a vibrant offensive team effort in previous generations, then I ask all of us to check our own soul. If you are not passionate, what is your destiny?

Sidelines

There's the work you do. Then there's the side show. Don't dismiss, discount or overlook the little seeds planted along the way.

She is my friend's neighbor. A half grown woman with an inquisitive mind. She stands in her doorway and watches. If her momma or her bro ain't close, she inquires whatever her curiousity longs to know. Good questions. Most of the time, I walk past their door and don't connect because I am too focused on getting my friend to where she needs to go and back.

Little league opens up a door to a stack of mail, and a extended family tree. You don't have to be athletic to enter in. Ya'll can do things out of your "league," that you feel disqualified for,  and still make a difference in the world. Trust me.

A cat found a new home, and built the best bridge of the year. I'm positively convinced my mom never dreamed I would be a one time purveyor of felines. (I didn't either) But with the long winding road of events since then, I will never ever regret the annoying meowing for the difference one small kitty could make. You can do small things you wouldn't ever get excited about, but it might change the outcome of the major stuff completely. :)

Maybe it's taking the time to stop by and brag on a boy to his mom. Or choosing to walk with him somewhere to make an apology. Or teaching him anger management. We have these occasional conversations one on one in the middle of busy schedules. It's worth taking time to invest.

My long time friend has friends of friends I don't even remember meeting ever. But the chatty Chester of their lives came to school, knew me instantly, and started saying a lot of nice things and chattering 90 miles a minute. I am sure they are good people, but I simply can't remember anything of a previous meeting. Seriously a side show of a side show. I had no idea that he was watching, or that he is a relative of an older lady I occasionally see, and claim as an “Aunt.” You never know who you might favorably impress while you go along the way.

It's laughing together and eating dandelions that changes the stress level for everyone. A little girl and I share a secret smile ever since. Sometimes you need to just relax, and do crazy.

I will never forget the lowest moment in Asia, when a friend messaged without knowing anything that was going on. That simple but profound message saved more then the day! Being on the receiving side of a small thing, I can ensure you it doesn’t take much to entirely transform the world of one person.

Don’t overlook the tiniest things. Don’t miss the stars because it’s full moon.

You have likely heard the story of the dripping water pot. The one that didn’t feel like it did much of anything, but there was a green strip of grass thanks to it’s dripping the whole way along the path. I know that the main thing I do makes a difference. But I can forget about the eyes who silently observe. Maybe you see that lady at Walmart. Maybe you don’t. Let God open your eyes if you need to see, but more importantly, be faithful. We don’t need to see the whole side show, or the significant difference we made, because it’s all about Him.

We don’t see things the same way He does. It might just be that the most impactful act we do in our whole lifetime is not what we considered important. It might just be a little kindness we have long forgotten about.

The average person impacts 10,000 lives in the expanse of their lifetime. It might just be the acts of service we do for the those right around us who we get annoyed with or daily care for are what God notices most. The things we consider small and ordinary, are very well what makes more eternal jounce then the things we did for the multitude.

Stay faithful!

Vulnerability

Maybe some of you like this word in all the fullest of its meaning more then I do. Vulnerable.

Open to being hurt. Open to being taken advantage of. Open to being used.
Open to being loved. Open to deep relationships. Open to learn. Open to become more.

They say the most beautiful thing about a woman is her vulnerability. Somehow it inspires the men among us to rise up and be protectors. I thrash against the risk, even though my curiosity has been intrigued with this whole concept that I will probably never understand completely. I know I like when I feel like someone has my back. I appreciate the few who I know that I could call, if I really needed something. On personality tests, they say people with mine hate to be taken advantage of, and it’s true. But we can’t use personality tendency to excuse us from developing in any good growth. I know that us “strong women” have plenty to learn in this area. But I also dare say the majority of us aren’t that solid behind our facades, and those who have courage enough to get beyond the front can vouch for the truth. :)

 Vulnerability in community is more where my thoughts have been wandering. What does it look like to build relationships where the ups and downs of life can be shared? A church that is full of courageously vulnerable individuals is the one that has growth happening, right?

When there have been bad experiences, it’s harder to take these risks. There’s very few people who know the hard pieces. There’s no one that knows all of them, personally. I may be a big risk taker cross culturally, but I can be a timid church mouse when I find myself in a Mennonite circle and the conversation gets deep. I know the rules here. Relationships are always two way streets, regardless of culture. We may have been hurt in relationships, but we also heal in relationships.

I have been convicted about not being willing to be vulnerable with a few trustworthy people. It’s easier to not talk. And nobody else has to look bad if I don’t say anything. It feels honorable to stay silent. I hate gossiping with a vengeance. But telling a few what my “truth” is and allowing them to speak into my life could be a good anchor. Ultimately, vulnerability is a personal choice.

Some people probably accuse me of putting everything out on my sleeve, but like a friend and I were talking about recently, there’s a whole other layer underneath that rarely sees the light for either of us. You can judge a book by its cover, but guess what, the plot might have unexpected twists and turns before the back cover. Not everyone puts all their game pieces out there, even if we show you a few. I don’t think we have to tell all or be all to all.

I have been in mentor groups, and in counselor training groups. Vulnerability is key in those. And given the right safe space, most of us are exceptionally vulnerable. But continuity hasn’t been part of the story for me. This opening up and closing up again feels like day lilies in July. Beautiful while they last. Maybe Heaven is the only place we can live in perpetual vulnerability.

As our lives form up, and we pursue visions, details of those sometimes need to be classified for a number of reasons. Zipped lips become a way of life. I can’t throw the people under the table I want to cause it may ruin something greater that I am trying to build. Depending where you live in the world, what you share could make a literal life or death difference for someone. Being a secret keeper is a good thing... sometimes.

Still, we need people who know. People who ride the waves with us. People who give advice or reassurance that we aren’t completely crazy. In the multitude of counsel, there is safety. When I think about making irrational choices, I try to make myself talk to a few. Sometimes they amaze me and support. Then I talk myself back into something more sane. Yeah, you can pity these people. I do.

Relational Longevity matters more as I get older. I cherish the golden medal friends who I have known since childhood or young adult years. How do we build these into even better support investments when we don’t live on the same block? We do cheerleading from afar, but how do we build trench connections with a few comrades? Social media provides a way to stay in touch, yet reveals how out of touch we are. I think we actually disfavor each other by falsely assuming online identities as completely true for those that we don’t have regular conversation with. Longevity requires more than liking something on Facebook. It takes energy and intentional effort that I don’t necessarily always feel like I have reserves for, but it’s never regretted.

The basic foundations of being a vulnerable risk taker have to come back home to the Father. I need to be willing and surrendered to what He wants to do in my life. I find my ability to have that essential openness in the knowledge of His love and grace. It’s found in the pages of the Good Book.

God heard and God saw.
God will wipe all tears from their eyes.
Fear not, for the waters shall not overflow thee...
The Lord is thy light, and thy salvation.
His face is darkened at our distress.
He has plans to give us a hope and a future.
The angels are around those who honor Him.
Wait, and you will soar again like an eagle.
God opens the gates, and calls us by name.
A bruised reed He won’t break.
He doesn’t ever leave us alone.
From the beginning to the end of the story, He loves and comes through.

Whoever said horizontal relationships show what our vertical relationship is like, knew what they were describing. My trust in God, or lack thereof can really impact my world. If I can open my heart, and believe in the depths that He is good, I can also believe that humanity doesn’t always have evil intentions. Deeper still, I can believe He will use even their ungodly motivations for my growth and greater good.

Dare to be real. ;)

Growth Worldview

Erase and start over. Use your pencil instead of your pen so you can change your rumbling thoughts if necessary. Become a lifelong learner instead of arriving at a mirage called destiny perfect. We won’t have it together till we get to Heaven, so why do we pretend like little girls having fancy tea parties? Dream about the wonders of Heaven and don’t forget the awe you will swell with for eternity, but live in reality.

Recently I had a spiral down day. The kind where you take something personal, and instantly everything you attempt goes awry. It became an impetus for change. Growth mindsets is a idea I latched onto. “Mistakes are a sign you are trying.” All over school, I see this quote and think it applies to everyone else but me... or wait, I can relax with the rest, and just be ok with doing my best, then learn from it when it wasn’t the best swerve in hindsight.

The last three years have been an intense learning curve, but I am becoming agreeable with the constant friction. I can see progress, and gratefully recognize the answered prayers for a difficult relationship that I finally asked God to make into a great learning experience on the sidelines of multiple other battle fronts. God goes above and beyond, to condense epic into a sentence. Hopefully, you won’t need this kind of severe stimulation of facing drama on all fronts for you to get on the growth mindset bandwagon.

I have observed cultural and religious traditional beliefs about trials outside my own Christian faith. I noticed that many have a fatalistic, “This is life” mentality that accepts suffering without much external fuss. Spiritual warfare isn’t in their worldview, and the effects of sin are seen differently as well. Some say suffering even helps earn a better place in Heaven. While I don’t necessarily agree with these fatalistic trains of thought and wrestle with them, I know I have bought the subtle lies of fatalism on different levels when life doesn’t work out like I wished. Examine your own heart and where you shut down your desires. I attempt to control, shove down or suppress a few things, only to find squashing one tiny thing affects a whole bundle of nerves that end up controlling every part of life. We end up shutting down the interstate instead of just one lane. Shutting down stunts our growth.

The other option is to trust God, give Him the hurting shards, and shattered wishes, and let Him take care of them. In the central figure of Christianity, we notice a key theme of hope. Resurrection is just as powerful in our redemption as the cross is in our salvation. When we have hope in our hearts, we don’t need to shut down, whether life is working out or not. We can keep our hearts open because we know that God will work everything out for our good. And therefore, we can have a growth mindset.

I am willing to stay on the curve because my eyes have been opened to how much more I can grow. Instead of focusing on the difficult pieces, we can focus on learning what we can from our mountains. If we have enough faith to trust God with it, we know that regardless of what the outcome is, He had a purpose. Not trusting Him has worse effects if you think eternity then any temporary harm that rejection, failure or whatever fear we have could do to us in this life.


Free falling out of our comfort zone isn’t fun. But sometimes we need to let go of our false selves and walls to really be able to grow. For example, if I have living vivaciously as a goal, then I need to be ME. Emotional and spiritual growth is something we can blaze new trails in.

You dreamers out there could probably concur that visions often mean living outside of the box. If nobody persisted in believing in their product of their dreams, there would be a lot of conveniences that we would not enjoying. Dream development requires a bunch of grit.

I don’t know which is more scary to you: personal growth or dream development... but unless we take on something that scares us, is it worth pursuing? Why do we stiffen our backs and resist doing hard things when we know God is trustworthy? Why do we grow an extra skeleton of walls and false selves if we realize the unnecessary drama of fatalistic thinking because we know that all things work together for those that love Him??

They say not all who wander are lost. And that there are no failures... only learning opportunities. There is truth in those words. So don’t cross out that bad day as just awful. See it as a learning moment. Swerve back into the right lane called truth.

Grow like spring has come. Sprout green. Let winter shake out it’s last cold snap, but don’t let it kill your new growth. Instead let it make you stronger. Then do everything that nurtures growth to maturity.

All the best!