Vulnerability

Maybe some of you like this word in all the fullest of its meaning more then I do. Vulnerable.

Open to being hurt. Open to being taken advantage of. Open to being used.
Open to being loved. Open to deep relationships. Open to learn. Open to become more.

They say the most beautiful thing about a woman is her vulnerability. Somehow it inspires the men among us to rise up and be protectors. I thrash against the risk, even though my curiosity has been intrigued with this whole concept that I will probably never understand completely. I know I like when I feel like someone has my back. I appreciate the few who I know that I could call, if I really needed something. On personality tests, they say people with mine hate to be taken advantage of, and it’s true. But we can’t use personality tendency to excuse us from developing in any good growth. I know that us “strong women” have plenty to learn in this area. But I also dare say the majority of us aren’t that solid behind our facades, and those who have courage enough to get beyond the front can vouch for the truth. :)

 Vulnerability in community is more where my thoughts have been wandering. What does it look like to build relationships where the ups and downs of life can be shared? A church that is full of courageously vulnerable individuals is the one that has growth happening, right?

When there have been bad experiences, it’s harder to take these risks. There’s very few people who know the hard pieces. There’s no one that knows all of them, personally. I may be a big risk taker cross culturally, but I can be a timid church mouse when I find myself in a Mennonite circle and the conversation gets deep. I know the rules here. Relationships are always two way streets, regardless of culture. We may have been hurt in relationships, but we also heal in relationships.

I have been convicted about not being willing to be vulnerable with a few trustworthy people. It’s easier to not talk. And nobody else has to look bad if I don’t say anything. It feels honorable to stay silent. I hate gossiping with a vengeance. But telling a few what my “truth” is and allowing them to speak into my life could be a good anchor. Ultimately, vulnerability is a personal choice.

Some people probably accuse me of putting everything out on my sleeve, but like a friend and I were talking about recently, there’s a whole other layer underneath that rarely sees the light for either of us. You can judge a book by its cover, but guess what, the plot might have unexpected twists and turns before the back cover. Not everyone puts all their game pieces out there, even if we show you a few. I don’t think we have to tell all or be all to all.

I have been in mentor groups, and in counselor training groups. Vulnerability is key in those. And given the right safe space, most of us are exceptionally vulnerable. But continuity hasn’t been part of the story for me. This opening up and closing up again feels like day lilies in July. Beautiful while they last. Maybe Heaven is the only place we can live in perpetual vulnerability.

As our lives form up, and we pursue visions, details of those sometimes need to be classified for a number of reasons. Zipped lips become a way of life. I can’t throw the people under the table I want to cause it may ruin something greater that I am trying to build. Depending where you live in the world, what you share could make a literal life or death difference for someone. Being a secret keeper is a good thing... sometimes.

Still, we need people who know. People who ride the waves with us. People who give advice or reassurance that we aren’t completely crazy. In the multitude of counsel, there is safety. When I think about making irrational choices, I try to make myself talk to a few. Sometimes they amaze me and support. Then I talk myself back into something more sane. Yeah, you can pity these people. I do.

Relational Longevity matters more as I get older. I cherish the golden medal friends who I have known since childhood or young adult years. How do we build these into even better support investments when we don’t live on the same block? We do cheerleading from afar, but how do we build trench connections with a few comrades? Social media provides a way to stay in touch, yet reveals how out of touch we are. I think we actually disfavor each other by falsely assuming online identities as completely true for those that we don’t have regular conversation with. Longevity requires more than liking something on Facebook. It takes energy and intentional effort that I don’t necessarily always feel like I have reserves for, but it’s never regretted.

The basic foundations of being a vulnerable risk taker have to come back home to the Father. I need to be willing and surrendered to what He wants to do in my life. I find my ability to have that essential openness in the knowledge of His love and grace. It’s found in the pages of the Good Book.

God heard and God saw.
God will wipe all tears from their eyes.
Fear not, for the waters shall not overflow thee...
The Lord is thy light, and thy salvation.
His face is darkened at our distress.
He has plans to give us a hope and a future.
The angels are around those who honor Him.
Wait, and you will soar again like an eagle.
God opens the gates, and calls us by name.
A bruised reed He won’t break.
He doesn’t ever leave us alone.
From the beginning to the end of the story, He loves and comes through.

Whoever said horizontal relationships show what our vertical relationship is like, knew what they were describing. My trust in God, or lack thereof can really impact my world. If I can open my heart, and believe in the depths that He is good, I can also believe that humanity doesn’t always have evil intentions. Deeper still, I can believe He will use even their ungodly motivations for my growth and greater good.

Dare to be real. ;)