Transfixed by Transfiguration

Mesmerized is something I don't get very often in this day and age. Jaded by life, I kinda don't get surprised by much. But there's something worth getting mesmerized by. Come check it out!

What is transfiguration? 

Can we join Moses and Elijah in being transfigured?

First of all, I searched for definitions.

Transfiguration: a change in form. Metamorphosis of a butterfly.

Transformation: a remaking of something. A remodel. House flipping.

Thanks to a bunch of different sources recently, the Negeb desert has come up a lot in my personal studies. Ironically, Elijah and Moses both had God Encounters in the general area of this desert. 

Moses met God on a mountain at the far end of the desert. I liked how Danielle Wheeler pointed out that God promised him that he would be back, with the whole nation of Israel. Their wandering around the wilderness was fulfilling this promise.

I get excited about the fact that entire chapters of Exodus are conversation between God and Moses. There's the tent of meeting where Moses went to talk to his best friend, God. And his student/helper, Joshua, stayed by the tent of meeting all the time. Details I never noticed.

Moses eventually took on a glow that scared the people because he had spent enough time worshipping God. I paraphrase Evelyn Underhill who says that "worship is the way to allow the influence of God on us." Imagine what that influence could be!?!? Wouldn't a glow be great?

Elijah dropped off his servant in Beersheba, and then went on into the desert. First, an angel fed him. And God spoke to him there.  I don't think that Elijah had plans to meet God. In fact, God woke him up for their conversation.

Later, Elijah was having his last moment with Elisha, and Elisha asked for Elijah's spirit to stay with him. There's some miracles that happened as well, but for transfiguration sake, I want to zoom in on this: other people recognized the spirit of Elijah on Elisha. Somehow they knew.

There's hope for us in the wilderness. The prophets who were in the transfiguration with Jesus both met God there. I'd say we're in good company if we find ourselves in the wilderness, as unpleasant as it might be.

So can we be changed like they were? I think so. Even if we don't get to the glow of Moses, we can at least get close enough to see what the disciples saw. Recently I came across the words of 2 Peter 1 where he writes about the experience. They weren't transfigured, but I think the disciples were transformed. Either way, seeking God enough to experience Him is worthwhile.

One thing that I noticed in both the Old Testament prophets' lives is that the change was seen by other people. Both of them had a follower who would rise up to take their place as a leader. I don't think we can experience transfiguration or transformation without rubbing off on other people. Change doesn't stick with one, but continues it's contagious journey onto others.

So wilderness journeys are the hot, arid, melting points that shatter us, not just to break us. They shatter us so we can experience more of God in our life. Shattered in order to get transformation and transfiguration. Shattered so we become part of powerful beacons of light in a dark place that Peter talked about.

Dive into your study, and then tell me what you got mesmerized by. 

Tamarisk and Fig: Inspirational Partners

 Ever wonder what plant Hagar threw her son under?

Ever wonder what Abraham planted by the well?

What about the tree Nathaniel was sitting under?

The list could go on and on, but there's 3 scenes that I have been reflecting on.

Hagar had run from a harsh woman, and felt like the end was there for her and her child. She throws her son under a tamarisk tree. God came and met her, and she was thankful for the "God who sees me." We all have moments when we need an intimate encounter with God. If He sees, we know it's going to be okay.

Abraham had a bunch of problems with well squatters. They kept taking over his hand hewn wells, and finally they had a "come to Jesus" moment. After the promise was made that there's no more snitching, Abraham plants a tamarisk tree. And he stays for many days in the land of the Philistines.

So what is significant about the tamerisk? They can survive in drought and salty conditions. They have a honey like substance called manna dripping off.

In the context of working overseas, this stands out. Tamarisk inspire us to survive the droughts of life. We can give off a sweet substance. We can be a shelter for someone in trouble. After Abraham planted the tree, he stayed in the foreign place for a long time.

Nathaniel sat under the fig tree. If you watch the Chosen season 2, episode 2, you'll understand this better what is mentioned in John when Jesus called him. Jesus was not visible to him when Nathaniel was under the tree, but at the time of his calling, Jesus tells him that He saw him under the tree. Before you get your calling, you are seen.

The significance of the fig tree itself is found in it's fruit. The fruit is a super good for anything that ails you. Google it. Jesus cursed one that had no fruit. This was a good food to eat when you were on a journey and needed a little energy. 

So God sees the things going on under the trees. He made the tamerisk to survive the desert, and the fig to help us survive.

When life is dry, be like that tamerisk and thrive in spite of the conditions. And if you need to, reach for a fig to tide you over.

Tamerisk and Fig. Your inspirational partners found in nature.

P.S. Their relative, the flamboyant tree in Asia and tropical areas of the world is known to bloom at the end of the dry season before the rains come. When most things are brown, it blooms. When life looks brownish, bloom!

Another in the Fire

 T shirt ads pop up all over social media. I normally skip over them without much of a second glance. But then one with, "There was Another in the fire." 

Daniel is the familiar character we associate with being in the fire. Jesus was seen even by the king who ordered him and his friends thrown in. 

God held back the flood of water so the Isrealites could walk through on dry ground. Fire, water, earthquake... God is there.

Moses had multiple crisis scenarios with Pharoah before the people were finally allowed to leave. God was there, creating plagues in the middle of it all.

In the 2021 Velvet Ashes retreat, (a great resource group for women working overseas/inner cities) Danielle Wheeler talked about the burning bush scenario where God promised they would be back at this mountain. The wilderness years of the Israelites weren't just because they sinned. It was because God had preplanned this wilderness journey, and wanted to be their only God. Wilderness is designed to strip us from our idols. In the middle of the fire, we want to make demands of why. But we need to surrender instead and let God do the interior work that He wants. The very reason He led us here is to bring us closer to Him.

Joseph was in prison before he got his breakthrough. God was with him in prison as much as He was when Joseph was a ruler in Egypt. In fact, God made sure it was written down that God was with Him.

Job had done nothing wrong, but lost everything and got judged by his so called friends. Eventually, the truth came out, and God restored his life. Initially, it seems like God wasn't there, but I imagine He was actively watching Job like the Father in the Prodigal son story.

More people of the Old Testament could be mentioned. But even after all those difficult dramas, the Isrealites still had to wait through 400 silent years for the Messiah. Even in the silence, God was there sustaining their lives.

God has been there for me over and over. He never left. Sometimes He was silent. But I can see Him as I look back, especially over the past 5 years that have held difficult times. He has brought me through to the other side where I can see it more clearly. He's telling me that He saw all the stretches that felt dark, cold, "unseen" and "misunderstood." He knows the days when I couldn't sing "Jesus loves me," without wondering if it was really true. He knows that the verse in Hebrews about "rewarding those who diligently seek Him" was a hard one that tripped me up when no answer was in sight. But God was there, and He didn't stop there. Goodness no! I KNOW that Jesus loves even me, and He does reward those who seek Him now more then ever.

Fire softens us. Just like most things under heat, we become more pliable if we let God do His thing. We get to choose: better or bitter. It's a testimony to the long rough road, but it was a high compliment on the day that an older lady who I admire from a distance told me that she has seen me soften from when she first remembers meeting me. Sometimes we want the outcome without the pain, but you can't have one without the other. On the day when you don't know which way is up or down, determine to hang on for the ride, and become better. You'll thank Him for it later.

Fire removes dross, the rubbish floating around in our souls. It purifies and cleanses. It changes what we turn to, as it reveals the empty promises of our idols.

Fires are an invitation. Let God into the motherboard of your heart and transform you. Stop trying to control the flames. Just accept the journey, and let God do His thing.

If God calls you to enter into the fire in someone else's life, then offer them an invitation to stop striving and struggling. Say something powerful like, "If you would let yourself cry over all the things, I think you might be crying for a long time." Or "I am surprised that you made it this far." Or "It sounds like you have had a lot of losses." Or "How's your soul?" Start with an invitation of grace. Speak truth later. After they know you care. Sandwich the hard with kindness.

If you are in the middle of the fire, stick it out. It's completely worth it. The changes, the healing, the growth, learning curves, the new compassion, more of Jesus, and just knowing that it is enough to have Him with me in it. I bought the shirt cause it rings true with a deep internal heart string I have. I know fire, and I know there was Another in it with me. You will make it through, and you'll see Him in your fire if you look.

The shirt took longer than necessary to ship. I finally googled reviews on the company which were terrible. Fraud and more. Okay God, is this company is bad deal, or are You wanting to teach me something? Several days later, I was reflecting on episode 2 of the Chosen season 2, and the lost dreams of my own when I got a message saying that the shirt had shipped. In the middle of my burnt up dreams, God was there. There was Another in the fire. Watch the episode, and let it speak to you if you are frustrated with life turning out different than you thought. Sometimes, our dreams are so much smaller than what God has in mind.

A song with these words was part of the Velvet Ashes retreat a year ago. I've added the lyrics to the end of this post for you. The sound track became a regular on my playlist for a while.

There's a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone

There was another in the fire
Standing next to me
There was another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
Of how I've been set free
There is a cross that bears the burden
Where another died for me
There is another in the fire

All my debt left for dead beneath the waters
I'm no longer a slave to my sin anymore
And should I fall in the space between
What remains of me and this reckoning
Either way I won't bow
To the things of this world
And I know I will never be alone

There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There is another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free
There is a grave that holds no body
And now that power lives in me

There is another in the fire
Oh-oh
There is another in the fire
Oh-oh
There is another in the fire
Woah-oh
There is another in the fire
Oh-oh (I can see)

I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

There is no other name
But the name that is Jesus
He who was and still is
And will be through it all

So come what may in the space between
All the things unseen
And this reckoning
And I know I will never be alone (I know, come on)
And I know I will never be alone

There'll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There'll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You've been to me
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

There'll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There'll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You've been to me
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

Source: Musixmatch

Wolf Pack

 Who is your pack, your tribe? Levi Lusko explained in his book, Take Back Your Life, the nature of the wolves. Yes, they howl, but they also nurture each other. Having a support group makes all the difference between whether you can stay in the battle or not.

So the burning question is, "How do I grow my pack?" 

Diane Langberg in Suffering and the Heart of God talks to the people who help others. She says that you will face secondary trauma, time and again. She said that you need moral support and she is absolutely right.

So once again, "How do you build a pack?"

Praying for one. I think God wants to supply the needs of the army.

Being real. I've started talking more to a few people who have been there as well. I need to dare to be more vulnerable. To do this, you have to be rooted in trust and truth.

Appreciate the relationships you have. If you have always lived in one town, you can take this for granted. The older I get, the harder it is to start new relationships. And if you have a track record like mine of moving a lot, it's even worse.

Don't force it, but be relational. And sometimes cut yourself slack when you don't have what it takes cause you're empty. I understand completely. But take an interest, and introduce yourself even if it's awkward. Especially if you are in Florida and the majority at church are visiting. The locals are not snobs, they are just overwhelmed by all the billion touring Menno. How would you feel if every Sunday morning for a few months more than 50% of the people at church are visitors?

Lusko says body language and posture impacts your connection to the pack. Think about the vibes you give. What you do normally comes back at you. There's a lot to unpack on this so spend your time chewing on the bone.

Spend time together. There's definitely different interests you might share with a few. From buying a burger or ice cream, to reading a book together or combing the beach for shells, find your common ground and go for it.

Right now, I'm blessed with a lot of new people who totally intrigue me. I want to know their stories, and what makes them tick. They haven't lived ordinary lives by the hints I've gotten. I don't know if they are candidates for my wolf pack, or would even want to be. But something makes me want to be a cheerleader pack member for them. That last sentence. Reflect on it. Instead of building your own wolf pack, build someone else up. Be intrigued by them. Take an interest. Build them up. Pray for them.

The best question then is, "How can I bless those around me cause we're 'packed' together in life?

Pain has Purpose

 5 years ago this week, I flew into Myanmar thinking it would be my forever home. It had been my dream, my goal for 9 years prior to that. In fact, to the exact date that only God could have timed. A lot of life, conflict, highlights and lowlights happened the following 2 years. Completely shattered dreams. And I no longer wanted to be there. 

I came home too raw to think straight. If I would tell myself (and you if you are raw) what to do different after "raw," I would say, "chill for a while, and don't rush into anything because you don't want to perpetrate more pain on yourself or anyone else." 

Post Asia, I didn't chill and almost immediately entered into the hell of a few people's lives this side of the pond while trying to sort out my own 2 years of harsh life experience. Some pain was mine, but a bunch wasn't. As we enter into their lives, if you are like me, you don't expect to pay the extravagant cost of feeling their pain as well. I'm still trying to sort this out, but I think it is freeing to acknowledge how hard this burden can be when you lump all of a community's issues together. Vicarious trauma is a thing. In the myriad of global pain, we can learn so many things. They from us, and us from them. This could take so many directions in this universal pain, but let's allow it to be our teacher. 

It was the pain of it all that which brought me to see life from a very different angle. I remember the day when I came to God and said "I am not coming to You to intercede for any ethnic groups. I'm coming cause I need help." My direction and purpose has changed an unfathomable amount since then. (in a good way) When life is going well, we don't ask for help. We obliviously might need assistance, but pain is what opens our eyes to seeing the need.

I never dreamed that I would be living in Florida, working in a hotel as a housekeeper of all things 5 years later. I had other work plans when I moved here, but it turned out different. I don't think it matters. See when life simply doesn't turn out the way we thought, we have a choice: believe that the Bible is true when God says His ways are higher than ours, or not. We also have the choice of how we respond to the pain of life turning out differently than we thought. 

Pain has a way of spelling out what some really foundational truths are for our hearts to understand. For example, my identity as God sees me doesn't depend on what I do. I can be a housekeeper instead of an English teacher and He loves me just the same. My right to Salvation is not any different. 

Pain also can open doors for opportunities you would never have otherwise as Levi Lusko says. He has some great thoughts in his book, 'Take back your life.'  If you are processing pain, read this guy's stuff. If you have not been there yourself, it's hard to speak into something in someone's life.

I remember wanting to shoot the lady who said that some day this whole crazy Asia story was going to be a gold mine for me. It was simply too painful at that moment. But I understand what cross cultural workers face like I didn't before. And I have a completely different outlook on conflict because of it. It ain't all bad, just saying. Your pain is also where you can go mining for more of God. It changed my heart direction in life. So yes, she spoke truth. We learn more through hard times then through the good ones. And we can offer hope to others coming through similar trails because we've been there.

While I never want to relive it, it's my Noah's Flood. There was the before, the during and the after. God got me through it so that is my Ark. It changed everything just like the Flood so nothing was "old normal" anymore. You probably have some experience kinda like Noah's story yourself. This process could be called character development. Let the process of pain happen so you grow from it. You'll find a rainbow after the struggle and say the journey was worth it.

I've also become excruciatingly aware of the coping mechanisms that I turn to because of the pain. Have you ever thought about how absurd it is to turn to anything outside of God? If it wasn't for pain, I may not have turned to these things, but neither would I have realized how easily I can be deceived. Pain has woken me up to see how hell bent I can be. Ouch. Think about it for yourself. Pain is what opens our eyes to better options then self destructing.

One last thing. God wastes nothing. People can judge me for this move to Florida, but I get the feeling that there's a far greater story going on here. Burnout, pain and bad choices of the past may have led me here, but I can't reveal the things yet that are amazing small but important details that so easily could hugely impact my future right in the middle of current circumstances. What if pain leads us to the future vision we want? I'm intrigued to say the least by stuff I didn't see coming. And I think God can do the same for you in whatever crazy unplanned circumstances you find yourself in. Your pain will not be wasted for sure.

So if you are tempted to quit, don't. Your pain has a purpose. 

Hope: {from the floor}

 Are they trafficking the kids? I don't know, but why don't we consult the missing children network?

Why did he leave the family, and move in with the murdered man's wife of all people?

Is the rumor true that his dad is a drug dealer? Maybe there's a reason he is a known bully? What if he had a "good" daddy instead and he was given a different example to follow? What if his little sister didn't have to go home every night to an empty house for a few hours before any adults got home?

Why is that car shot full of bullet holes?

Her kids were taken supposedly cause of an ipad sold for drugs and it ended up still being found in a safe place. So why were they taken?

Her daughter was hit by a car, and recovered. So why does mom have memory problems that are typical of trauma victms?

Why does a little girl need to die after her dad runs a stop sign right after an argument with mom? 

What's behind the anger problem of 2 nd grader "Soe"?

Why is "Aung" or "Su" not in school again for the upteenth day?

Why should a girl miss school cause dad is in jail for a few weeks?

Why does a mom of a baby need to walk her older kids to school every day in the winter? 

What if an adult hadn't found the knives?

Ever been witness to foster kids acting out the traumas they have lived through? It messes with you like almost nothing can...

Why is the floor wet all the time in their apartment? Several injuries later, I think it's fixed, but who will take care of dialysis trips and other ongoing things?

Where is the church? Why does it feel like I live in a 3rd world country most of the week, and then make a trip to the 1st world on Wednesday night and Sunday morning?

There's a lot more stories. 

Questions. Real life situations. 

How do you stay engaged, and not burn out? There's a lot of trauma and damage that is a normal part of refugee life.  Married people chasing each other with knives. Yes, they don't know a different kind of normal. So how do you process the drama, and not get messed up?

Burn out is real. Answers don't come easily. I've made mistakes in how I handle and cope. But there's got to be a way to do life without making radical moves to Florida to regroup.

Diane Langberg said in Suffering and the Heart of God that first all of life is allowed for one purpose: glorifying God. And she gives us 3 steps for how to approach all of this chaos. First, with Him. Next, for Him. And finally, by Him. He helps us do impossible. A lot of us need to be begging Him to change us first so we can be like Him. At least I have to. 

So what are the secret weapons for dealing with desperate scenarios?

God, God, and God. Maybe there's a reason for the trinity beyond some theological explanation?:)

Letting God fix my heart first. Unhealthy stuff and wounds of the past are terrible motivation for helping someone else, unless they are healed. Huge.

Companionship. People who enter the trench. Rare gems, but worth praying for and cultivating relationship with if you have them. The people who are involved at this level don't look or act much like me, but I get hope and encouragement from seeing and knowing that they are out there. Anyone interested in helping is actually encouraging. I'm hoping for some to partner with more in the future.

Social life. Some recharge for the batteries helps.

Setting expectations realistically is a game changer. Change doesn't happen overnight for most people. It doesn't for the stubborn ones like me, at least. What if success is simply being there for people as a witness? What if their lives never change, and all I am actually supposed to do is offer an ounce of love when their need is for a fire tank engine full of love to combat the trauma? What if my prayers are not answered, and their lives get worse instead of better? What if God never called me to fix everything?

I know. I ask too many questions. Ever since I was a small child, I have asked enough questions to earn the name, "Question Box." A few family jokes center around odd answers to my questions. But I still think questions are worth asking.

I don't have it figured out, but I think Langberg in her book brings out a truth. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and enter into messy situations. We are also called to enter in, but not necessarily to bring success and transformation. PTL! If that happens. But we are only asked to sit in and show a different kind of normal. We don't have to be the Saviour, the mechanic, or the Doctor. We just are who we are because of what Jesus did in our lives, and that is enough.

We don't have to write long reports, make up crazy goals, and measure success by human expectations. We need to focus on Jesus, be as healthy as possible emotionally and spiritually, and show up to love those around us. 

We don't need more unrealistic expectations for performance thrown at us by the powers that be. No crazy challenge to do another project when we are already tired. No judgement when we can't keep up anymore. No self righteous airs need to be mentioned. At some point, we just have to stop people pleasing and make peace with reality that their expectations and my ability doesn't match. 

 We just need more people who are willing to say that they laid on their kitchen floor and cried and needed counseling several times during their career. People who offer grace. Thank God some of these brave women showed up for me! We need people who admit that they need transformation as much as the broken situations I mentioned earlier. That's when burnout stops for a second. And hope begins. 

Beautiful hope.

When you are at the bottom, and you find God can still reach beneath your floor, there's new hope. I've laid there myself and played Laura Story's 'You Cannot be Stopped', on repeat. I've found hope in knowing He is not challenged by any circumstances.

Be real. Offer hope through the mutual mess, instead of sounding like you got it together. Let the scenarios remind us of how much we need God ourselves. Offer the hope that is only found on kitchen floors. 

I'm still in recovery. Maybe still in heart surgery. Keep praying for the journey.

Divine Providence

 I wasn't offered a job I was pretty confident that I could do back in 2018. So I was jobless for a week longer than I hoped. 

A lot can happen in a week. I was invited to a meeting that was far more important then I knew until I arrived. I looked around at the dignitaries who sat around the table. State Representatives, Police officer, non-profit directors, and the girl who had recently returned from Asia. The only thing I felt I had in common was that I observed around half were left handed like me. Not much to have in common, but it was something. The topic was refugees so we quickly forgot our differences, and dug in.

Sitting across from me was the woman who eventually would be my boss at district level. She is one who believes in people, and gives them a chance. So for the past 2.5 school years, I have had this position because way back when I was rejected from another opportunity, I had the time to go to a meeting with the big people. A meeting that would shape a bit of my life.  I didn't start working for her immediately, and for the summer, I had another job that would accommodate my emotional rollercoaster of re-entry. As soon as I was hired at EACS, I realized it was a Providential Hand that gave me a week of free time in the spring.

Sometimes, it's clear. God has us hemmed in behind and before. Sometimes we can hear Him say, "This is the way, walk in it." 

Sometimes, it's not as clear, and we have to remember the ways He led us in the past. Once, we drove to the Thai/Burma border looking for possibilities, and hit the jackpot of Opportunities. It was one step that led to another. Another time, God promised me 3 times that the door would be open. Only later did I find out that the agent working on our visas had to apply the 3rd time before she was successful, and then we were in the last group to get visas. I could tell a lot of stories, and you probably have bunch of your own. Remember those stories.

Other times, confirmation comes alongside us, one moment at a time. I handed in my resignation at work, and the next day I overheard a conversation that said they had a replacement. I had been praying that they would find someone before I left, so it was an answer to prayer.

Rick always told us to follow the peace of God. There's a lot of reassuring that comes with it. We might not know what is coming next, but we don't have to worry. 

We are commanded to be anxious about nothing, but pray about everything. In waiting, it's not easy. But if you go around the mulberry bush of change often enough, it does get easier.

So in the space of waiting to see what 2021 will hold, I reflect on God's goodness, and thank Him for the stories of the past. Stories that clearly dictate that no matter how much I try or do, ultimately there is a Divine Providential Hand on all of the details in life.

Instead of waiting until we can see it clearly, let's start praising and thanking God for what He has done, and what He will do in the future before we know what it is.

If He gives us a idea of what might be coming, but it feels impossible, then let's reflect on Who He is, and His capability, not the circumstances. Cause in the end, it's what His Providential Hand does, instead of what we do.

He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we can imagine!