Body Guards

When you need security agents in life, what do you run to? When you are weak and vulnerable and broken, how do you cope?

I’ve noticed there are some similarities between the honor/shame culture of other religious world views that have crept in and taken an unspoken presence among us in the pews. We believe we are totally changed when Jesus saves us at the beginning but somewhere we forget the sanctification process in our life formula. We are brow beat into looking right and acting above reproach on the outside cause we never fully wrestled with the whole “changing from glory to glory” process that continues till we die. We acknowledge we are human, yet we have no room for human error.

The masks, coping mechanisms and self protection stuff we turn to probably have as many variables as there are humans. Some cut others down while others play the really nice personality. 

Mine has been “busy doing good things” till I could vomit. Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me I’ve done enough. I don’t need to do anything anymore to prove my worth. Truth is, I don’t. But in a world of masks where everyone is rushing around trying to prove something, lies run more rampant then truth does. Not that it changes the truth, but in a world where people believe more lies then truth, it’s infinitely harder to believe truth.

But the spaces to process and be real are so few for those of us who have done so much good that we are put on a pedestal and not allowed to admit our humanity. The people pleaser inside knows what others expect, and so I die inside trying to please them all, and keep the masks in place. The vibes I pick up tell me that I am not alone in this. My style of it might be very different then yours, but every single of our relationships is affected in some way by our “isms.”

Even if I included a lot of questions for discussion on this blog, and honestly do welcome insights and conversation, I am afraid that there will be an odd silence, cause this is one of the “Annah” or “GringI” things in our culture that they have a word for in Asia, but English somehow has no term for. The term contains a bit of fear, shame, people pleasing, won’t talk about it to your face, or let you see how upset it makes me type of situation. We have these kinds of circumstances, but we don’t have a term for it that I know of.

So while the problem happens in relationships and we learn how to deal with it by being in relationships, let’s just talk about this a little.

Did you notice our prayer meetings center around sick people and safe topics? How do you break the ice? I’m not suggesting we tell all to everyone, but let’s keep it real with a group. I read recently that you should have at least 5 friends who will be there no matter what.

Have you noticed that it seems just a bit easier to say things as they are if conversation contributors are all male? Men just say it how it is. And they tend to not have connection drama. I don’t know for sure why this is, but I am willing to speculate. Men gossip for free, women don’t. When I have worked in a mostly male environment, I tend to be more knowledgeable about the community then when I don’t. Maybe that’s just happenstance, but I reflect back over 3 entirely different work experiences where most co-workers were men, there was less drama and better relationships in general. (and free information) Why is this? I think this thing of women being quiet has turned us ladies into sneaking cats who hunt mice so we can tease other cats with our catch. If you know anything about cat and dog theology, you know anything feline isn’t a good thing. I got bit by gossip a long time ago, and ever since have avoided anyone who has a hint of the smell of gossip. I will be honest, I didn’t connect with a whole bunch of my regular contacts anymore because too many of my own relationships used to center around this. So is gossip the main reason I struggle to connect and be real with people? No, but I think something in whatever the motive(s) is that women do this “mice hunting” thing, there is a root for this thing of not being open, vulnerable and authentic. Gender differences aside in relationships, it’s an interesting thing to observe how we complement and antagonize each other as men and women. I think the real root is found in the first few chapters of Genesis. We aren't who we were created to be.

A teacher once said that we learn more through suffering than through happiness. I pushed back at that, but the longer time goes on, the more I have to agree. Take an honest look at your life. When did you grow the most, and what were the circumstances surrounding it?

So if we all exponentially grow more through pain, why don't we support each other better through it, and acknowledge that we all need to tried by fire and floods to become real saints?

So what would it look like to have a right perspective on continuing sanctification?
What if we took all our suffering and affliction as a light weight lifting exercise so we could become even more gloriously handsome?
What if we just embraced the process of our beautification?
What if we found a deep enough security in Christ that we weren’t flustered by the messiness of our own redemption in remodeling mode?
How we answer those questions will direct us in how real we are when we are burned out, struggling or in over our heads in a trial. I believe the God who loves us while we are still in our sins, loves us through the whole process. When I believe His love, the rest of my life falls into proper perspective.

Regardless of what all the potential causes are that keep us from connection and being soul authentic with each other, let's not forget that we are in a battle. Together we are stronger, and the enemy knows that. Don't let him use anything to destroy you.

We could continue this conversation and add all our fears and failures, but the moral of the story is to get offline, off whatever life stage you act on, and be real with your people around you. It's a messy but worthwhile learning curve to live without body guards.

My current reading list: 
Undefended by Daniel Bush
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
Some thoughts in this blog should be credited to these authors.
Other credit goes to the friends who are brave enough to discuss these topics.
The journey is not over...