Conflict

Sooner or later, it comes. Sometimes, unexpectedly, but it always comes. The dreaded tension. All the emotional upheavals. In the worst cases, you could say that the world turned upside down.

I've been through enough in my life to have spent a significant amount of time thinking about team conflict. How to avoid it. How to divert it. How to deal with the aftermath. I'm not ready for more necessarily, but I have also lost some fear of it.

It's not all bad. Paul and Barnabas split ways for a while. They reached more places separated then they did together.

Reality is, wherever there are people, there will be problems. No matter where you go, it happens at some degree at some level. Doesn't always get severe enough to separate, but the tensions can still make a few ripples anywhere.

Sometimes, you are the offended, and sometimes, you are the offender. Either way, deal with your heart.

In the light of this topic, I have read Tim Clinton's book on Attachments, and Healthy Me, Healthy Us by Les and Leslie Parrott. The strength of the conflict in a lot of ways matches the emotional wholeness and wounds of those at it's epicenter. If we have healthier attachment styles, and we are striving for wholeness emotionally, we will have less drama within the tensions.

The point boils down to one thing. We need to take care of our own wounds, and issues that flow out of them. God may have allowed this conflict for your healing and greater good!

Stop the finger pointing for the next month, and look deep inside. Is it all one person's fault? No, everyone has some flaws that enter the fray.

If the quarantine showed us anything, I hope we saw the extent of the stuff we just carry with us, and never take time to process because we're "too busy." Moving forward, how are you and I going to realistically deal with life as it happens. Especially if it's crazy dramatic like a lot of my weeks are normally???

Maybe it's a sacred community of friends speaking into our lives. Maybe it's more solitude. Maybe it's more praying. Or more intentional weekends/week nights. Whatever you need to do, do it because stuff can get deep fast. Change {me} before them.

Your relationship attachment style is merely a signal of where you are on the wholeness map. You choose as a kid whether you will avoid it, leech off everyone, or be healthy. If you want to change your life and attachment style, change your beliefs so your thoughts and actions can be transformed. Stop worrying about the other people and just ask God what He wants to accomplish in your own heart with it?

Determine to become better and not bitter.

Pray more than you push agendas. The chances are, God's really after a completely different purpose then anyone realizes. Seek His Face. He shows up as we surrender.

Let me say once more, determine to become better and not bitter if you don't know what to do. It pays! Let this conflict be the one that sparks an internal change.