Hard things

Ya’ll don’t need stress’s meaning explained. It happens on so many different levels... and in so many different relationships.

Likely you have also wrestled with how to cope. If you have ways to deal with it that work for you, feel free to share those. For me that might be in spending time doing my hobbies or working in the dirt, or relaxing by the ocean.

Regardless of what I do, there is still that tension in between having enough to give in the many different ways I relate to the people in my hood and how to cope with the stress helping others adds to my life. When am I selfish and take care of me? When should I give something up again and be selfless? I will not pretend to have this tension conquered, even though I barely remember what it feels like to not have multiple intense situations along with my own personal decisions and issues to figure out.

What I do know is that God is faithful, and that He divinely arranges schedules so that I do get an unexpected break right when I desperately need it. I have found that saying thanks for those things, remembering those gifts, and taking a few seconds to notice nature and beauty around me are good coping strategies in the middle of the crunch.

Notice when the themes of a blog you follow speaks exactly about what you are dealing with.
Notice when the stars are bright.
Notice when the hood is calm.
Notice when the schedule flows together.
Notice when you have an internal calm that is not your normal in this crisis.
Notice when your prayers get answered in unique ways.
Notice when people say they are praying for you and thank them.
Notice when you have divine appointments with people.
Notice when plans get changed.
Be grateful for each of these scenarios, for they remind us that God is much closer than we think.

I think it’s these little bubbles of air in the midst of the floods that buoy my spirit most and gathers hope in refreshing doses. It’s also that feeling on a weekend as you reflect back on a full week and remember the wow moments, as you also remember that feeling of last Sunday as you were anxiously thinking about how full this week would be. Sometimes it does feel way overwhelming in a crisis and too hard to hold on to faith. In those moments I am blessed when thoughts suddenly come to me like a verse, a song, or a book title like ‘Girl, go wash your face.’ It’s in moments like this that I know I can relax and trust, laugh or let go just a bit. These are ways to keep giving in the moment.

But we aren’t made to go on and on without a recharge. Recently, I have been blessed with a bunch of recharging opportunities, and I am thankful to not feel as much like a dried out well. Still, I feel the need to defend my well like a panther who won’t survive without this “meat.” So how do we keep from getting burned out in the stress?

Recently I was reminded of the verse that talks about confessing Him with our mouth but our hearts are far from Jesus. I am as guilty as anyone to come running into His presence for everyone and everything else. I run out again before my own heart is touched. But that is what He wants most. Just me. I come to Him every morning, but how many times am I really focused without having someone else’s problems or something else distracting me? I think there is a correlation here between my connection with Jesus and the level of energy that I have. When there is more outpouring then in-pouring for a long period of time, then you run right into a wall that will force you to grapple with this, if you are unwilling to figure it out before.

If you struggle with this, start asking yourself what your truth is. Is it really the truth? Or did you buy into lies at some point and think it was real truth? Stress has a way of turning our world upside down but we think it’s still right side up. I think that we need to be willing to wrestle well with this to turn our relationship with Jesus into the spring it was meant to be.

We need to build in solitudes, retreats, and general soaking in the truth to restore the dry spells that come from constant giving. We finally have to come to grips with the truth that God doesn’t want us to run on empty. It’s not His Will. Did you notice the Sabbath comes every week? Recharge needs to be oftener then once a month, obviously.

I like the idea of high input and high output. High performance might be more of a Mennonite thing than a God thing. But I think doing our best with what we have to make the difference we can in our world for His glory is important. How do you all prioritize and balance this in your life?

Whether I like it or not, drama has a way to find me, and I will probably struggle to balance this fragile piece for the rest of my life. “Running around 3rd base and sliding into home base (Heaven)” doesn’t look as amazing anymore, but if that is my calling, I want to be faithful.

“You never know how strong you are till being strong is the only choice you have.” I know in looking back that I have found this to be true, but I also add that it’s been His strength, grace, and peace that have brought me this far. I wouldn’t choose to watch my friends work through death, divorce and remarriage, or the fights, drama and hurtful words they have heard or said, but I wouldn’t want them to go through these things alone either.  So regardless of what you face, and the stresses you know, hang in there.

Identity

In shifting seasons of life, we face questions about who we are and why we are here. During different times, we wear different hats and answer the questions differently. Last year felt like a crisis in this department as I moved back from Asia, began 2 new jobs in a new(er) community, started attending a different church, and bought a house.

I was Ma Yeemon in Myanmar. That was an identity all it’s own. There is a lot wrapped up in moving from one culture and language to another on an identity level. I don’t think we realize how much language or culture plays into who we are.

I also know for the more social people among us, a place where we belong is huge when it comes to figuring out identity. Now that I have a few friends that I regularly connect with and kinda have a rhythm to my schedule, I feel more settled and less rattled.

In the readjusting and re-establishing of moving back to the Usa, there is the realization that I will never be who I was prior to Ma Yeemon. There is grief and loss in the shifting, before accepting and rejoicing in the new happens. In many ways, Ma Yeemon has found a new niche in Intrepreting at school, and volunteering in the community.

But I am also aware that I shift between my city world and the Mennonite world on a regular basis. My other world has no place or box for anything other than a Sarah, Esther, Ruth or Leah... Maybe an Yvonne but any Ma What doesn't really fit. It’s been a journey to find ways to smoothly transition between the two worlds and even merge them a bit, but I am at peace with the struggle. I say this to show how much culture defines us.

The menno world doesn’t have a space for singles over 25, let alone other cultural stuff, but as I look at Jesus culture, there is room for all races to come together and all individuals regardless of marital status. First, we who don’t fit the box can just accept that people don’t know how to wrap our package, and show those who make false assumptions and judgement calls that we choose to still be ok with them. Second, they can become more comfortable with us, and learn we aren’t as weird as they thought, or maybe discover their own idiosyncratic stuff and catch on that at a core level we are all human. Third, I have lived just long enough to know that life has a way of leveling the playing fields and eventually they will all get some hard knocks, so if we had the choice we probably would not want anyone else’s life.

I have an Asian friend who would do almost anything to stay away from other people of the same culture. I understand his struggle. If I didn't, I most likely won't even know him or his family today. And they most certainly wouldn't be people I consider adopted family if I wouldn't have had struggles in the past with my own culture. But I also know that embracing the downside and the hard stuff of our own culture and choosing to look beyond this to Jesus is the best way forward. To accept ourselves, we have to be ok with where we came from, and stop reacting to what we don't like.

So what do we turn to ultimately for our identity? Will we allow negative people to affect it? Will we be defined by those who have hurt us? Will peer pressure have the final say? Will our job or what we are able to accomplish completely define us? Are we human beings or human doings?

We can choose to be defined by He who is greater than the world around us. The One who simply is, and by Him existing, we also live. We are more than conquerors through Him. We are loved more than we can imagine. We are the apple of His eye. He is the God who sees. We are so many things according to the Word. Let's memorize those, but I pray our greater focus is on Him and exalting Him in our minds to help us get a more proper perspective on what our identity is, and where we fit in the big scheme of things.

There will no clearer sense of identity then the day we hear our new name from God and realize His deep love for us. Till then, keep swimming upstream. ;)

Rewards

Why do you do the things you do? What motivates and drives you?

Recently, I became well aware of how tired I was emotionally, and I knew something had to change. I had realized that I had gotten involved for the wrong reasons in several good things over the years, and it wasn’t life giving anymore. I was burnt out, and ineffective in helping anyone. It was time to find new motivation, and new vision. Correct motivation for doing the right things.

It’s hard to have conversations with people about the hard realities of their lives or worse, listen to their sobs. Can I see them as my tangible Jesus to love on?

It’s also good to just tell God about it all, and hear Him say that I spoke the truth, that I loved enough. Can I stop taking on all their broken hard things and let them rest on His shoulders?

So what is your motivation?
Is it to get a reward at the end of your life?
Is it to honor and glorify God and to make Him known?

Recently the whole idea of rewards was kind of smeared up in my face, and a big part of me pushed back, so I decided to research, think, and reflect. Ask, seek and knock, and the door will be opened, right?

Why do I think that doing things simply for the award at the end is little too much like kindergarten level expectations for a small trinket at the end of a well behaved day?
Why does doing things for God’s glory feel more like a mature, more proper motivation?

I was blessed enough to sit in a class where we were taught that blessings came for one reason. To be shared with the people all around us, as in the strangers, orphans and widows. Why? So they too can see, know, and personally glorify Him. Blessings aka rewards were for the intent that we would be blessings to others. Rewards aren’t for us to selfishly keep for ourselves.

I am a believer in garnering stars in for our crowns for one reason. We will throw them at Jesus’ feet, and he deserves the most beautiful, ornate head gear we can give him. A Burger King cardboard crown simply wouldn’t do it for my King.

There definitely are verses that clearly state there is a reward for those that are faithful. Those promises are worthwhile taking a look at. I believe that they will come true. I want a reward when the time comes that God wants to give it.

He hasn’t rewarded us according to our iniquities. Thankfully. That’s incredible grace that’s worth seeking out it’s Creator.

Hebrews says we must believe that He is, and that He is the rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. I noticed it doesn’t say those who work hard. It is for those who seek.

Don’t be weary in well doing, for in due season, we shall reap if we faint not. I struggle to be ok with doing hard things just for the reward that we will get. But it seems worthwhile to hang in there on the hard days.

He who endures to the end shall be saved. Ok, that is more essential. One definition of reward started out as “whole, safe...” The idea of being in a safe place full of peace and love eternally is enough for me. That kind of reward is something I long for in the middle of the stressful. Imagine no more stress! A spa-like peacefulness that goes on forever.. A profound solitude breakthrough wow that doesn’t end, or return to earth quickly as the thief moves in to steal the joy somehow.

I will not dive into the whole debate of different levels of heaven, and rewards, awards, prizes and more elaborate sparkling crowns for the most faithful. Whatever eternity is all about, the best part will be to stand in the presence of Jesus and God forever.

So the next time I encounter a difficult situation, or turn around to choke back the tears, I will remember that this is not forever. There is an end to drama. Thank Heaven.

More than anything I can do, it’s my biggest calling to seek Him. I can get a glimpse of what He envisions, but it is up to Him to bring the “how it will happen” around. When it begins and ends with Him, that changes everything.

In the meantime, I will continue seeking Him one day at a time. Rewards don’t need to be my primary concern, but seeking Him does.

Storying

Stories speak. Read them in a book, and you connect. See the storyline in a movie and it captures you completely. Am I the only one who has this happen? 

This particular one clearly illustrated some of what was going on in real life for me, and what was going on emotionally in response to what was happening. The timing of this movie I watched with school kids who had earned it through good behavior had to have a Divine finger on it.

Stories are moving. I ended up going to the bridge later to cry it out. It moved a piece I needed to process right out into the open. And in the crying out to God, healing happened.

I have been challenged by a friend to tell more stories instead of statistics or facts. People connect with story.

I don't know about most of you, but I live one of those lives that has story happening at multiple layers at once, often interconnected with other parts.

In Counseling 101, we often asked “What's stirring?" meaning 'what is emotionally feeling live current right now? Let's talk about it.' There's that layer.

Then there's the many different relationships with people around us happening simultaneously. Some of those go well, others feel shaky, and others feel like impending train wrecks. Stories.

Spiritual warfare and growth also are another layer of story. God keeps teaching and showing us things and giving insights on this level. More tales to tell.

Wrap it all in one, and we call it life. 

Good things happen when we tell stories to each other. Connection takes place.

 When we tell Good Stories even better things take place. When we repeat them, retell them and pass them on to our friends, that is when it plants seeds of truth, and deepens our own faith because we remember the Good that has happened. When story touches emotions and our spirits, it has a beautiful opportunity to transform our lives.

I am challenged to tell more about the good things that are happening with those around me, to share more about the internal processing of spiritual and emotional things, or the remarkable chronicle of details that God is scripting to give me another gift, not in online forums, but face to face. To just pour coffee, and let the words flow.

Just like the movie showed a dog finding her way home while meeting a lot of friends along the way, so we can help others not just on our way Home, but help them find their way Home as well by telling stories.

More stories happen as we navigate from one scene to another, and process the chapter change.   It’s not easy, but just like the dog felt the strong, internal invisible pull to find her way home, so we also feel like we are not home yet, and need to keep going, regardless of how difficult the journey is.

Hope to see you at Home.

Invisible

Unseen. Unheard. Unwanted. Un-everything.
Smoke screening. Resignation. Walls. Lack of trust.
Underneath it all, is something alive that never dies. It might speak and advocate on behalf of other people even if it won’t for itself. Emotions always find their voice. They will not be silent.
While the circumstances creating the “Un....” should be addressed, they also are what can create a voice of change that is powerful, influential, and transforming. Behind the strong advocacy voice might be the experience of being in a place with no voice, no advocate.

Abuse. Unfair treatment. Trauma.
Anger. Justice. Stronger emotional reactions then the situation calls for.
While it was totally wrong, and should be dealt with, it created empathy and compassion for people who are caught in bad situations. Behind some of the kindest people is a myriad of broken shards.

Blatant sin. Bad choices. Open or indirect defiance of what is known to be right.
Proud. Independent. Guilt. Fear. Condemnation if they are aware of it.
Attempt to control the world instead of trust God.
While God is hurt by this, He isn’t stopped, intimidated, or overwhelmed.

Over and over, I have seen how God limits himself and uses stupid mistakes of humans and even blatant disrespect of Him to achieve good in the world. I have seen extremely dumb and ridiculous moves turned into something that brought him glory. Gasp... you can even find this insanity in the Bible, right through the whole lineage of Jesus. You would think He would lose patience much sooner than He does. Let’s not lose the idea that God is fair, that God sees the hard things and none of it is His perfect will. None of it. On the other hand, this speaks loud and clear of His grace, mercy and love. Especially when you realize the depth of how far off track you have gone, and how He uses you anyway. This is a profound moment.

God doesn’t steer clear of messy situations but enters into them and transforms them. He uses extremely unorthodox methods and comes in the back door more then he comes through the front. God is absolutely the most creative Artist of all time. He not only created the world but also hand designed the stories we live. Joy and pain are woven in. External stories bring insights to internal turmoil. If you have a story like mine, it happens to have layers of stuff happening simultaneously.

Whatever happened in the shadows really isn’t hidden from Him, or from the people who are discerning. It may be mostly invisible, but it will not stay there. It will come along with you in life and impact your response to life. God is not surprised by it, even if you are. And He may just even use it to accomplish a major change in the world.

So may we have patience with the people around us who we think know better, and even those that don’t. God will use all things for the good of those who love Him. Putting it in leather doesn’t look fun, but I know growth will only come in receiving the gift of messy.

Cures for the Soul

I was amazed that a secular book would talk about forgiveness as an essential tool to overcome trauma and toxic relationship styles. For both the offending party, and for yourself. I believe there is a lot of truth in that, but more from a Biblical perspective.

Over in Myanmar, I traveled with a friend to her hometown and experienced life from a local perspective. The thing I remember most, and has influenced me a lot was watching her extremely bitter Aunt interact with my friend and the community in general. She had better relationships with her 7 dogs and 9 cats then she did with the humans around her. In that moment, I knew that if I didn't want to be like that when I get old, I have to do something about it now. This started the process of studying forgiveness and not turning to resentment. Sometimes, at least for me, it's good to have an example of what you don't want in order to go after what you do want.

So we are commanded to forgive our brother till 70x7 or 490 times. For those of us with elephant memories, it's hard to forget things, but it would still be hard to keep track till about 500.

I remember reading a book that talked about how you need to bring things to God and allow Him to help you work things through, before you can actually forgive from the heart. From personal experience, I tend to agree with this, versus the push to “Well, just forgive...” Yeah, I've been there and tried. Doesn't work. I hope it does for some, but I've found that forgiveness requires supernatural assistance. I've also discovered that God is more then willing to help with things like this.

In Jesus' prayer pattern, it talks about God forgiving us as we forgive our debtors. A parable also illustrated that we need to forgive to experience forgiveness. This secular book even mentioned that as we turn to healthy values, and pursue those things, we attract those values and relationships with people who are also pursuing healthy things like forgiveness. So as we seek to forgive and leave things in the hands of God, we will find forgiveness.

John Bevere says (I'll put into my own words here ) that until we leave offenses in the hands of God, God's hands are tied and He can't correct that person until we surrender it to Him. Once we leave the righting of a wrong in His hands, and up to His timing, He can do whatever He wants with it. We don't need to worry about whether His side of justice will handle it, or if He will be merciful. As a school counselor says at Southwick, “Fair isn't having everyone be treated the exact same way. Fairness is everyone getting what they need.” Reality is, if you really leave it in the hands of God, you stop worrying about what happens after that.

While we need to validate pain, and acknowledge it for what it is, we can't stop there. We need to get to a place where we can rest with the hurt feelings underneath the urge for revenge or resentment. We can give those feelings space to be, but then ask ourselves if we want to be controlled by this drama forever, or have the choice to allow our hearts to be free and blossom? At some point, we need to stop worrying about what they did, and make the decision to allow ourselves to grow and get beyond what an evil world is intent on doing to not just us, but everyone.

After we have applied forgiveness, we can center ourselves on unconditional love. Stop and reflect on that a bit. How do you reflect on God, and His promises, His loving character, and the truth that He loves you?

Recently, I was given a package of beautiful 5x7 cards with Scripture scripted elegantly on them. One of these says “Because I am, you are.” On the back, is a long list of Who God IS, and what we are because of Him. We've seen lists like this in multiple books, and been told to memorize and get truth into our brains, but until we open our hearts, it doesn't really sink in.

The Bible has a lot of promises from beginning to end that we can cling to. It also is the best “Romance Story” ever. If we doubt that we are loved, go from the beginning to the end and read it word for word. Love is dictated throughout the whole Book.

Even if our family forsakes us, God will still love us. That is unconditional. There is no performance required to keep it coming, or to get it. God loved all of us so much that He gave His most valuable relationship and allowed His own Son to be sacrificed for us. I think most of my readers know these Scriptures and the doctrines of Christianity, so I won't go diving into this other then to encourage you to read and claim it for yourself.

Many of us have also read the “5 Love Language Series.” I heard someone say recently that if our love language is “Words of Affirmation” and we are verbally abused, it hurts us worse then someone with a different love language. I bring this up because we often think God is like our dad was, or that the way other people treat us is the same thing that God thinks about us. That's not necessarily true. Take some time to reflect on this in your own life and challenge yourself to believe truth instead of lies. Circumstances don’t change truth, neither is it based on truth.

Another aspect to look at is that depending on your gender, love or respect means more to you and motivates you differently then the opposite gender. Regardless of what this Ephesians passage has motivated you to believe or react to it's truth, God is still more love then your husband can give you, or more respectful then your wife. We can't allow marriage relationships or the lack of them to define what God's unconditional love looks like. BTW, on a big rabbit trail for the ladies out there, if you think about how you act when you don't feel loved, then you can start to understand his craziness when you don't offer respect and allow him to do all those crazy wild things. Don't even think about trying to tame him or just make him love you. It's not the way he was made. The quicker we can latch on to that truth, the better we'll all be. Enough said for the moment. Back to unconditional love...

When I stop and think about the fact that God sticks with me through thick and thin, I know that I am loved. Look at Luke 7:47 and see the correlation between forgiveness and ability to love. Coming in touch with our own pain, and the broken things we do because of our pain and realizing all of this drama can also help us find truth like how much God has patience, mercy, grace and love for us. When I think about it, I just gotta shake my head in awe, say thanks, and live life in a way that glorifies Him as much as I can.

Meds don't heal trauma, but guess what!??? Unconditional Love does!! They say that Adhd and PTSD have a lot of the same symptoms. How many kids are drugged, instead of loved? Stop and think about it awhile. Adoption and love are both central themes of the Bible. God is the Master healer. Hats off to all the people who partner with Him to make a difference in this world.

So wrapping this all up, I find that forgiveness is a way to getting to know how much unconditional love God has. After we take that first step of letting go, we open our hearts for so much more. God's got more love to give then all the offenses in the world piled together. There is more then enough to go around. And it's deeper then we can fully understand.

When we start living out of how loved we are by Him, and getting our worth, value and self esteem from Him, instead of turning outward to other sources, our lives and perspective on life is transformed. What I'm finding is that sometimes it takes an extreme amount of pain to get to the point where we stop turning to other things like I talked about in the last blog post, and start reaching for something more solid. Once we find His love as our anchor, it changes everything. We are deeply loved, and there is enough space for us to feast at the Family Table, too.

Isn't it worth going to the pain of finding out what this truth is? :)

Stop the Craziness!

A friend once recommended a book entitled “Crazy like Us” to me and it's been fodder for rumination ever since that day at Coffee Circle in Shwe Gon Dine, Yangon. Shwe Gon Dine has to be one of the worst traffic jams in this city even though most of Yangon is a perpetual traffic jam. The squealing horns, brakes and tight spaces of overcrowded buses add so much color and illustration to this topic that I can't resist. To be honest, I'd rather get off a mile before and walk the rest of the way. That's my protective self making sure that no body bursts my personal space, or worse, spills their oily lunch on my clothes in the swaying. Isn't that why we have protective selves in the first place? We want to make sure that no one gets too close to our pain, and that their mess doesn't spill over on us. Sometimes, it's for a good reason like not having hours and hours to scrub a dress because someone else's oil stained it, {been there, done that} but sometimes it's just selfishness.

The book shows how the western world of psychology has traveled to the East and given them the same afflictions we deal with that were previously unknown in these cultures. As these mental conditions and diseases were broadcast into these cultures, people who previously had no culturally appropriate way to express a variety of emotional pain would turn to these new ideas and tweak their experiences to fit the symptoms of the illness that was now culturally approved as a legitimate condition. Anorexia, for example, became a “thing” in places where it was unheard of.

In the Mennonite world, we too have culturally appropriate ways to express pain and negative emotions. I've been thinking about how much the way we feel is affected by the culture we find ourselves in, and how it gets expressed. For starters, we could find a lot of workaholics, and justice fighters or on a mission “to save the world and the whales while we're at it” in our circles. These are perfect protective selves. We cheer these efforts, and rally around these people like they are heroes. But we don't stop to think about what might be behind their hard work. Perfectionists, Good and godly, and submissive or telling people what they want to hear instead of hard truth might be other nice protective selves that we turn to in order to cover pain and to find safety. I'm sure I haven't exhausted the list of things that commonly float across a counseling office desk. This isn't to say that all hard work is bad, or that there is a demon behind every good bush. But stop and think about it. Become aware of what you turn to.

We have this deep desire to show that we have it “together.” And even more then that, we have pressure from our culture to have it together. After all, the Gospel dictates that redemption, rescue and saving are part of the story. And these are real, legitimate pieces, but we don't often give room for “Paul's thorn in the flesh.” God doesn't always heal instantly, or permanently. We'd like that, and often we expect that, or feel that expectation from others. So we reach for protective measures so no one knows what pain we have going on.

Am I suggesting that we don't confront external issues? No. We should deal with things, and sharpen iron with iron with accountability and relationships where mutual growth is encouraged.

Am I suggesting we go find excuses from our past and reasons for our behavior and people to cast blame on? No. 

What I am suggesting is that we embrace the process. That we dare to ride the waves of it all. Feel the pain and the joy. And be real with ourselves, instead of believing the lies we tell ourselves.

We claim to value authenticity, but then conform to whatever gets the approval of the people around us. What I'm suggesting is that we be real with the protective selves we wear, the masks we flippantly change out even subconsciously, and that we dare to sit with the pain long enough to allow healing from the inside out instead of an external act that lasts for a while. If we can be honest with ourselves and a few trusted friends as needed, we can find the freedom to relax, watch our pain ebb away, and become whole.

What if we started giving mass invitations in our culture to be real? What if we allowed people to be who they are, and not create these certain cultural norms for how one should act or handle certain topics? Last time I checked, when I was in a group (outside of very close friends) that I felt safe enough to be completely real with them, I actually was more mellow then protective self I'm used to turning to. :) Oh, there were a few dramatic moments, but basically that was just from the anxiety of getting the pain out, and spoken to the group. I soon discovered the freedom I found was worth far more then the panic of spilling. So don't think that if you let all cultural norms go, the world will become crazy. I think if we are really real, and offer a safe space, peace starts to flow, and makes things more sane.

I have a conjecture of a theory that if we all stopped using our protection and masks, a lot of striving, conflict and more would cease. If we had any idea of the magnitude of what someone else was going through, or saw things through their eyes, we'd likely have more empathy for them. Can we let our own guards down as well so that others can see our own vulnerabilities we try to hide? We're hurt in relationships but we also heal in relationships.

So the real heart of this matter is to let ourselves and others sit in the pain, and allow God to heal from the inside out. He is the best Healer out there. We are not going to find it till the day we chose to feel the waves, the storm, in it's full blast. But in the eye of the storm, there is a calm that carries us through. So regardless of what cultural norms are out there, and what people around expect, or project on us, venture into the middle of the pain. Go deep enough to focus on what is beneath the external drama and the things you reach for. There is where you will find healing.

Guess what?! even if you keep tight reigns on your protective gear, subconsciously things will still spill out. A reminder of one pain may nudge you on to hint at another. I realized more recently that for some reason, I waited to numbly tell someone about some painful news I'd heard that morning till hours later as we rounded the same corner where another painful, traumatic conversation had happened years before. I could have said something sooner, but I believe now that the prior unprocessed event triggered spilling the news there. And the crazy thing is, I never made the connection till after I found healing from the first event that the second conversation was on the same corner. I'm saying all this to say, you can only protect so much. At some point, pain spills when it's triggered.

While both of these events have impacted me in ways I don't even fully understand, I can testify to healing coming years later. If it's been a long time, give up the protection masks and go there with God and a few trusted people. Healing can come!

As was illustrated at a trauma conference by Becca Johnson that I attended a few years ago, one incident can knock a person off kilter and as they flounder around, they seem to attract more trauma, which makes the tailspin go even faster. So why not deal with it as it happens? :)

One thing I really want to be more aware of and do more of is go to God and sit awhile after drama, because that is when we are most vulnerable to lies coming in. Stop clenching my fists, being a strong woman and just turn in to God for comfort and deeper understanding of the situation. I'm amazed at how clear things get to be when I let go of the protective things, and turn towards Him.

I recently read a secular book about healing after toxic relationships. While not from a Christian perspective, the author encourages us to forgive and center in on unconditional love, both of which are strong Biblical principles. I want to leave you here with hope, and something to dig into... and the next blog will be exegetic of these 2 topics.